Personal Journal Entry

Hi y’all! My dorky self is back at it again. I had a good week this time around. I played some video games, and honestly, I am hesitant to get a job because I know that after 90 days, they want to fire me—or even sooner than that—and there’s nothing I can do about it. If I could just digitize myself into a video game, I think I would be more successful. Instead, I'm the closet homosexual of Bakersfield. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! I started working out to try to meet a girl, but after getting blocked by the countless men in Bakersfield and having information withheld from me, I've concluded that I'm just a loser in life. Now that I’m a “loser,” and living better than them, those same stupid men from my teens and twenties want to be my “friend” to help me win the game of life. They even offered me free samples of Viagra—not just any Viagra, but the 20-times strength kind—and encouraged me to try it out on every girl in town. But are these people targeting me to set me up with someone attractive? Hell no! They once let a girl named Lisa be my girlfriend or at least try to be. She was 80 pounds overweight and caused a ruckus like there was no tomorrow. I quickly broke up with her after she thought she’d received a lot from me. She doesn’t realize that I donated to her because I felt sorry for a single mother with the mentality of a 10-year-old on drugs, trying to raise three kids. She must honestly think she looks like a model. HAHA!!! =D! I made sure to keep doing my thing because I didn't want to end up entangled with her—exactly what she was trying to do. People see my face and appearance and think I’m naïve and stupid, especially dumb, evil people like Lisa, who overestimate their own intelligence. But I could see right through her. I’m not as naïve as she thinks I am, and I ensured that when we were intimate, I couldn’t get hard because I kept jacking off. The only person I love is my ex-girlfriend Tip; that’s it, no one else! Anyway, back to gaming. I was playing Dawn of War and had a challenging time trying to beat this one mission. As I was engrossed in my game, a woman walked into Starbucks, and the only free comfortable seat was right next to me. She made sure to avoid sitting next to me because of my appearance. People often judge me based solely on that. They never want to get to know me; they just see how I look, make assumptions, and treat me accordingly. So, she ended up sitting somewhere else, and it was uncomfortable for her since the only truly comfortable seat was right next to me. Eventually, she did sit next to me, but across from me. While I was playing, I like to enjoy my game and talk to myself since nobody else talks to me. She thought it was a way to make her like me, which I wasn’t trying to do. When she covered her ears, I got up and got out I'm not taking this shit because the guy next to me is obnoxiously loud and he’s not even good-looking. Why don’t you say something to him? I packed up my things and told her she could take my seat. She just looked at me, and I left in an angry huff. The attendant said, "By Leo," but I never responded. As a handsome man, if you live long enough like I have, you get sick and tired of the B.S. You won’t put up with it anymore, and since you’re good-looking and take all kinds of crap constantly, you end up becoming an old, bitter man. I hate people… just as much as they hate me for my looks!

Personal Account of Social Alienation

Hello, everyone! How are you all doing? I had a good week overall, but I’ve noticed that people still seem to avoid me. It feels like wherever I go, there’s this intense animosity directed toward me. For instance, at Starbucks, there was a woman who dresses in a collared shirt and jeans, yet she acts straight. She was talking to an older guy, who looks like a grandpa, instead of me, even though we’re both the same age. It seemed like she was making a point of choosing him over me, as if we were in some kind of competition. I couldn’t help but think of Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones, ready to fight me for his Khaleesi. While they were chatting, I played a video on my laptop that said, “Dadbod wins the dating game every time,” because let’s be honest—dadbod does have a winning streak. I really don’t get why she seemed intent on making that point about the older looking guy. After that, she even got on her phone to talk with a potential employer, making it seem like she was bragging about having work while I didn’t. I could tell she was probably lying, so I whispered under my breath, “Full of shit.” Maybe it intimidated her because as she left, she accidentally knocked into my stuff and said, “Sorry,” but it felt insincere. I didn’t respond at all. This situation reminds me of another incident where a woman hit on a guy in a walker right in front of me, almost like she was implying that the elderly man was a better choice than me, a young, athletic guy who’s also intelligent. If a woman is that misguided, why would I want to be with someone like her anyway? People seem to forget that in movies, Patrick Dempsey often wins the romantic plot, but in reality, it’s Homer Simpson who comes out on top. The winners in this world often seem to be mediocre men rather than someone like me, and it feels like it has been this way for a long time. Some people just don’t realize this or lack the life experience to see it clearly. I think something I said might have made its way back to others since I voiced my frustration. Lately, I’ve been playing a lot of video games because that’s seen as the only acceptable outlet for men like me, who have high testosterone. I recently beat Elden Ring and recorded it for posterity. I also finished my Lakers season but got eliminated in the first round. It’s okay; I was eager to play online anyway. I’ve been contemplating whether I might be autistic. I’ve been told that I could be undiagnosed and unaware of it. It’s possible I have high-functioning autism, which might explain why people often treat me poorly. The more I reflect on my experiences, the more my flaws seem to surface and hinder my ability to connect with others.

Neighbor Dispute and Personal Update

Hello, NERDSSS!!! WEIRDOSSS!!!! I had a good week, especially since I am not working right now. I have had an enjoyable time going through some games that I like playing, such as Elden Ring. I finally beat one very tough boss in it, and now I feel way too overpowered for the game. I should be able to beat it soon. Anyway, I have had a lot of issues with my next-door neighbor. He seems like he is on the other side of alignment, taking a Dungeons & Dragons reference. I feel like I know what he wants to do: he wants to be my friend so he can manipulate me into doing something I do not want to do. He also offered to give me basil again, but I do not think it was because he is kindhearted. I think it was because he wants control over me. I said no to the offer, and his girlfriend laughed in a way that seemed like she knew what was going on. I also feel like my next-door neighbor is listening in on my apartment. When you are on the good side of alignment, you will always get bad people around you. In this case, I mean racers or men who are into fast cars, people who try to drag you down or make you homeless. I am quite sure the end goal of my next-door neighbor is to make me homeless. He has also been leaving all kinds of messes right around my apartment. He made a garden in the front yard between his other neighbor’s apartment and his apartment, and then he asked me, “Do you want me to make a garden in front of your apartment?” I told him, “Do whatever makes you feel good!” and he responded, “Okay, then I won’t.” He thinks he has power, but he really does not have any. It is always these young, weak men in this town, either really skinny with no muscle or really fat, who want to dominate over me. So I filed a complaint on him for leaving all kinds of trash in front of my yard and also for shaving his dog in my front yard and not cleaning it up. I added pictures to show the absolute mess he made, because it felt like he had no respect for me. Again, these people see me and think that I have never been through anything. They know, and I know, that there are two possibilities with me: either I have never been through anything and success was just handed to me, or I am the Floyd Mayweather of life. These arrogant, weak men dismiss the possibility that I am the Floyd Mayweather of life and just assume I have never been through anything, so they try to victimize me. When I filed the complaint, the very next day that young kid who thinks he is better than me started cleaning up. Then he said something about how he has a lot of plants in his front yard. I just think a real rich person would never frivolously spend money on plants or do anything unnecessary for his front yard. Why waste money on that? Just keep money in the bank or in investments. But he is not just young and immature; I think he is stupid, because he thinks he knows more and thinks I am jealous of his ten-dollar plants. Dude, I can buy five-hundred-dollar plants. I just do not want him to get into competition with me over the yard. I know he has no money and is just borrowing it from people to make a garden. He thinks I do not know, but I know. Real people with money never spend it unless they need to. To a truly rich person such as myself, my apartment is just where I sleep. I am not going to put useless decorations in the front when I am never outside to see them anyway. Why advertise that you have money by doing that, or by driving a Mercedes-Benz like he does? I know he has no money. Anybody who drives a car like that has no money. I drive the second-cheapest car in America, the Toyota Corolla, a gas-economical car that is cheap to repair. After he cleaned up the mess he made because of my complaint, he asked me, “How is work?” He offered to get me a job through a friend. Again, I believe he asked this because he wants to have something over me and say, “Well, now you complained about me, so now I won’t get you that job.” What he does not realize, and what most racer stupid asses do not realize, is that the internet and Indeed are where most modern people get jobs now. They do not need to owe some next-door neighbor they complained about for a job. Really, I do not want to work right now because I am trying to serve my seven-week grace period for making false statements to Unemployment. I erroneously calculated my income after taxes rather than my income before taxes. I thought my next-door neighbor could be a good friend, and I even helped him with advice, but unfortunately, people are just disappointing nowadays. I HATE PEOPLE! Till Next time! MAHALO!!!

Personal Grievance Blog Post

Hello Fellow nerd-weirdos. Another week, another blog post from that smelly nerd in the corner: the FAG-dude of Bakersfield! I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my time on this earth and at my various jobs, and I have come to realize how tortured I am as a person—not by the world, but by people. Everyone I have met or knew for an extended period has either backstabbed me, treated me like shit, or verbally assaulted me my entire whole life. Including my family, who psychologically messed me up, and I had to take every single psych med ever made. They were proud of doing it too! Do you know why? It’s because I don’t talk to them! Well, why don’t they talk to me? Then I can answer their questions, and we can have a conversation. How about that? Because if you are going to go through all that just to make me do all the work and effort to approach you—and it is you that wants to talk to me—why don’t you save everybody the trouble and heartache and just come up to me and ask? Anyway, I was at Starbucks the other day, and nobody was within 15 feet of me. Nobody really wanted to talk to me ever. They just like to stare at the freak of nature, the Unabomber in the corner plotting to firebomb the place. It is sad because I have taken care of Vietnam veterans for little to no pay, or have been the father figure to disabled kids, again for little to no pay. But when I go outside, I am just the weirdo Unabomber that you don’t want to sit next to. He is a pedophile and rapist, right? I find it sad that someone like me, a veteran caregiver of 25 years, is treated this way, but this is the way it is. Also, the women there intentionally hit on hella-old people in front of me and laugh at me just to make it a point to show what a pathetic loser of a man I am. Yet somehow, as I am afraid of these people, I must muster up the guts to talk to them. I am afraid of them!!! I am guessing they are gaslighting me to yell so they can point to me and say, “THAT’S THE BAD GUY!” Like how that woman at Walmart yelled at me for my food choices that I bought there. She looked like she had never exercised in her life, telling me how to eat and exercise. And when I got mad, everybody looked at me like I was the bad guy. At this point, I just hate people. I am not looking to converse at Starbucks with people like this who are crazy. I do not care. There’s this other guy that talks to me. Again, my experience with people is that they pretend to like you, and then when you let your guard down—BAM—the knife is stuck in your back, and they whisper, “gotcha!” as your lifeblood drips down your leg. Which is why I will never be his, or anyone’s, friend, or boyfriend or in the case of straight men I have met their “lady-boy-prostitute!” EVER! As I have gotten older…...I hate people! Till Next Time! MAHALO!

Workplace Firing Reflections

Hello all! Fellow Nerds of Bakersfield. I have had a lot of time to reflect on my firing at Kern Valley State Prison. It was devastating, to the point where, when they fired me, they must have thought I would get mad because there was a CO there while I was being fired in the office. I was very depressed and sad, thinking that I must have done something wrong. I don’t know. I am beginning to think that I am just a saint, and if you are too good a person, people take offense. I did not realize until a few years ago that people were always in a competitive mindset and that everybody competes, which is why they asked me a lot of personal questions at work, like how much I pay for rent and things like that. It is disheartening to think that everybody is against you at work. I even get that feeling at the Starbucks I go to. People think I have an easy life when I really do not. Most people do not see the inner work that I must do. They only see the outer work, and when you are trying to make it in the world by yourself, there is a lot of inner work required, like managing stress…etc..etc. But anyway, I got fired, and I was escorted out like a Unabomber terrorist as a final insult to me. I am beginning to think that I just cannot coexist with other people because, like I said, most people are competing and cannot keep to themselves at all. They eavesdrop on others to see how they are doing. They must have thought that I was rich or something or hated me in some way and wanted to sabotage my life. I hate people. I hate them so much. They just think that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and that success was handed to me. It is like at the Starbucks I go to nobody ever talks to me, not even the mentally disabled person who goes there. They must think I am arrogant or full of myself because everybody intentionally avoids me. When I do talk to them, they pretend not to hear me. Then, to top it all off, they tell me to talk to them. It does not make any sense to me. I just go to Starbucks, do my gaming, and go home. The only people who talk to me are the baristas, and with some of them, I get a sense of hostility too. They must seriously think I am rich and simply do not want to spend money at their store, and that I just sit there and play games. Most people are just at surface level, and they do not realize that I make just as much money as those baristas. That is why I go there and do not really buy anything, not because I am some cheap doctor, which is what I am sure they are thinking. I told one of the workers there that I am just efficient with my money and that I make as much money as them. Wherever I go, it feels like people constantly want to compete with me and win. At the gym, I initially just wanted to get in shape to find a girl, but instead I feel like I am in competition with 20 to 30 people. The pressure is non-stop, and I hate people because of it. OH WELL!! Till next time! MAHALO!

Job Loss and Social Benefits Inquiry

Hi y’all, fellow nerds of Bakersfield. I have had some time off from working, and I am hoping to get unemployment and food stamps. I am about 90 percent sure I will get them, and I keep thinking about how devastating it is for people nowadays to lose a job, let alone a viable career job like the one I had. That is why, when they fired me, there was a captain of the COs in the room. They half expected me to wig out and throw some things, especially because of how they treated me at the job. In my job experience, especially in the health field, it is all about friend circles and not about work. When you are like me and you go to work to work rather than socialize, people can take offense and think you are making them look bad. Also, when you have no friend circle, the people with friend circles who feel slighted by your work ethic and quality of work will enlist their own circle to gang up on you. In my case, they isolated me and verbally insulted me. This is the plight of many geniuses, or “gifted” people. We tend to make others look bad even when we are not trying to. Other people may think we are trying too hard at work just to fight them or make them look lazy, even when that is not our intention. That is just how gifted people are. We have the ability to focus on the task at hand, and that ability to focus makes us better workers. We are not focusing just to make our co-workers look bad, but that is how they take it. Either that, or since they have the power of the group behind them, they want to victimize someone who does not have a group. It is kind of like a “hive-mind” mentality. If one person in the group feels slighted because this loner is a better worker than everybody else, and that person has the group behind them, then they will gang up on the loner. A lot of people get off on the suffering of others, especially in the work world. Nobody is your friend in the work world, especially if you are gifted. My firing saddened me, but I am grateful that the pressure is off now and I can breathe easily. I have a mental health appointment on Monday. I had one a few days ago, and my psychiatrist was concerned about me because I had just gotten fired, so she ordered another appointment to check up on me. Meanwhile, I have been doing a lot of gaming and just thinking about what will become of me when I am old. As it stands now, I feel like nobody likes me, or that if they get to know me, they will hate me. What will become of me? Will I be homeless? Even though my family hates me and I am not sure what will happen to me, my future is uncertain. I have seen a lot of YouTube videos of people who are 55 and homeless because they cannot get a job due to their age. Will I be one of these people? I make sure to never drink, no matter how much pressure is on me, and I work out so that when I get job interviews, I still look young and strong in body and can handle any job. But it deeply saddens me that, as a “chosen one” or elect of God, nobody likes me—not even my family. The righteous path is not only a lonely path, but a hard path as well. Till next time…. MAHALO!!!

Kern County Prison Employment Termination Reflection

Hi everyone! Fellow nerds! I just got fired from my job at the prison in Kern County, Delano. Honestly, I don’t understand why people dislike me so much. I’m starting to think they might be jealous of me for some reason. This situation is making life tougher, and finding steady work that lasts more than a few months is challenging. I can find jobs easily, but keeping them is another story. The other day, I saw a homeless person on the street holding a sign that said "gifted," and it got me thinking that maybe I, too, am gifted, which is why people treat me the way they do. I’ve been reflecting on how I stay athletic without any supplements, while most people I see at the gym rely on substances to maintain their physique. Back in the 1940s, people had no choice but to work out naturally because they lacked options. Nowadays, people have various choices, like taking elcartenine, which I heard about from someone at the gym. Now I’m concerned that since I’m aware of my gifts, he might be trying to push me toward substance use, hoping I’ll end up on the streets. When that guy suggested I take elcartenine and mentioned that you can’t outwork a bad diet, I wondered if he intended to discourage me because he and a few others feel threatened by my dedication. They may see me as naive and think I would take his advice simply because I appear innocent, or perhaps they want me to follow their questionable paths because they lack the same work ethic I possess. Most people in the gym aren’t as authentic as I am. They claim to embrace discomfort, but is that really true? I’ve realized that I’ve primarily been competing with myself in the gym, while it seems like many of the men around me are competing against me. I also watched a video about Flock cameras and began to consider that these cameras might be monitoring chosen individuals like myself. Perhaps the government installs these cameras not just to reduce crime but to keep tabs on exceptional people, possibly even the messiah. Am I the messiah? I identify with being a “Chosen One." My strength and intelligence give me that sense of identity. Is the United States government tracking me? Looking back, I realize I’ve lived an extraordinary life. My family has even put me in psych wards because they believe I’m either crazy or advanced in some way. I hope nobody is monitoring me—what would they even want to do? To harm me? To conduct experiments? I don’t know. It’s something to think about. Until next time... MAHALO!!!

Probationary Employment Termination Notice

Hi Y'all! Fellow nerds!!! How are you all doing? It’s me, the Ultimate Nerd of Bakersfield, checking in. I want to let you know that I got fired from my job, or rather, my probationary period at my C.M.A. position at Kern Valley State Prison. Somehow, I knew this would happen. Not too many people liked me there, and I had the sense that most people hated me for no reason, which really made me feel bad. I believe I am a good person, so it was depressing to think that everyone disliked me without justification. The firing process felt overwhelming, as they had a massive file on me, like I was some sort of doctor when, in reality, I just tele-presented for the psychiatrist. I also felt betrayed by my psychiatrist, Dr. Moran, whom I thought was a friend. It seemed like she turned in some chats that portrayed me as a bad person. That day, as I left the facility, it felt as though they paraded me out like a criminal. I sensed it was a test to see if I would react angrily, so the CO escorting me could tackle and arrest me. But I didn’t react. Afterward, I watched a few YouTube videos and started to understand my situation better. It seems that my tendency to keep to myself frustrates others. Many people in my past have told me to “shut the fuck up, get a life, and stop bothering them.” I took that message to heart and decided to mind my own business, but now it feels like the world hates me for it. I remember my last meeting with my family, and it wasn’t good. My mother yelled at me for no reason and threw a door handle at me. My brother even confronted me, ready to hit me, and when I stepped away and leaned against my car, he took a picture. The cops were there the whole time, and I looked at my brother, then at the cops. They said, “They act crazier than him.” I’ve seen YouTube videos that claim most people, especially nowadays, dislike those who are at peace with themselves and take offense at people who mind their own business. Even though they tell others to stop annoying them, they secretly want to be annoyed so they can feel better about themselves by rejecting others. For example, when I was at the gym yesterday, I was talking to myself and not bothering anyone, but some guy rang the lunk alarm, trying to make me look like the problem. If you observe them, it’s clear they are the ones causing issues. He wanted to provoke me to get a reaction so I would look bad and risk being kicked out. My favorite YouTuber, Jay Daka, said it best: people today seem to have a "main character syndrome," thinking everything revolves around them. When they meet someone like me, who doesn’t mind being alone, it triggers them. That’s why, when I go to the gym, it feels like everyone is watching and listening to me, waiting to use my words against me later. Many people today seem to be narcissists, and they tend to dislike those of us who are content with ourselves. I swear, whenever I go outside, it feels like people are spying on me, eager to hear what I say so they can fuel their unwarranted hatred for me just because I prefer not to engage with them. People are crazy! I dislike them! I’d bet they even spy on my Facebook and other social media accounts to judge me.

Personal Reflections on Social Interactions and Family Dynamics

Hi y'all! Hiya nerds! I had a pretty good week again. Most people I meet never seem to want to be around me, and I often get this funny feeling that they're faking their enjoyment of my company while secretly wishing to see me fail. Recently, I’ve been watching documentaries about people in America struggling to pay their bills. My family has always expressed hatred for my happiness in the house we used to live in here in Bakersfield. They have made it clear many times how they can't stand seeing me happy, believing it's because I haven't been working and paying bills like they do. However, after working and paying bills for the past 30 years and still being happy about it, I realize their disdain for me has nothing to do with my work status. They hate me because I am happier than they are, despite having less. When you're working in America, you have money to spend on whatever you like. I figured this out in my first year of work. I've come to understand that my family consists of negative individuals who never appreciate their blessings and focus only on what they lack. They used to think that my lack of work was the reason for their misery, but they can’t use that excuse anymore. I've been working 12 to 16-hour days for over 30 years, and they still hate me. It seems that a lot of people I meet harbor similar feelings of resentment. Initially, I thought it was because they had it harder than me, but now that I'm older, I see that many have it much easier—they just choose to be ungrateful and lack perspective. The real reason I was happy in our home on 4210 Siene River in Bakersfield wasn't because I was merely enjoying myself; it was that they were the ones who couldn't find happiness—even with what they had, acting like spoiled brats. Realizing this, I know now to distance myself from people. Most of them will never truly befriend someone who is genuinely happy; they just want to see that happy person suffer and may even wish to be the ones to ignite that flame. With each passing day, my disdain for people grows… Until next time! MAHALO!

Personal Success in the Digital Age

Hi y'all, fellow nerds! How are you all doing out there in Nerdland? I've been reminiscing about how people treat me in this town and how most folks seem to be mentally stuck in the 1980s. They still think you can't succeed unless you know someone. In this age of technology and the internet, they believe you actually need a connection to be successful. Well, let me tell you, America is not the Soviet Union, okay? The United States accepts anybody, and if you’re someone who keeps to yourself, you can succeed too. If you don’t have or want a lot of social connections, you can still find success. The United States is the land of the "misfits." Anyone can succeed here if they work hard. Don’t believe those financial TikToks or YouTube videos telling you that it’s impossible to succeed in America through sheer work ethic. It is totally possible! I was at the gym yesterday, reflecting on how I’m still the same person from years ago who was dismissed by others as "gay" and even harassed. I was nearly run over by a BMW! Now, look at my brother, Paul, who scoffed at my workout journey, thinking he had a better way to get women. How are things working out for you now, Paul? With your gout, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and declining health? I get the sense my brother wants to redo his life and live like me now since he’s teaching his son to be like me—working out and playing video games. But I know that life is not easy. At this point, I’m willing to bet my nephew, Caleb, has probably given up on video games and working out because he sees how much harder that life is compared to my brother's. Sitting at the bar, drinking, making work contacts, and socializing to get women is an easier way to live, and I think my nephew is starting to figure that out. I suspect my brother pushed him to compete with me in that sense. Honestly, all I wanted when I started my workout journey was to find a woman, have a family, and work at the quickie mart—that was it. Instead, I’ve found myself in a silent competition with so many people! Some have already passed away, and new ones keep joining in just to beat me at whatever game they think they're playing. I've come to realize that despite being a gamer, it's actually other people who are playing games, and I have to say, I really hate people!

Personal Blog Post: Dealing with Dislike

**Wat-Up, Nerds!!!** Another blog post from the most hated man in town. It can be very mentally painful to be the most disliked person wherever you go. It often feels like everyone is out to get you just because you have an innocent face. People don’t expect you to defend yourself when they try to take advantage of you. They end up getting the business end instead, and because their egos are so big, they want to one-up you. I guess that happens when you anger one of the "cool kids," one of the "in-crowd." Even if you're in the right, they will recruit others to try to get back at you like little kindergarteners playing dodgeball, trying to even the score. They never consider what they gain by doing this, which is usually a whole lot of nothing. Years ago, a supervisor at a car wash decided to hate on me simply because I was in better shape than all of them combined. When I filed a sexual harassment complaint against him—something he didn't expect—he lost his job and his career. I think I have been paying the price for that defense for decades now. I realized this was still an issue when I went to the supermarket the other day to get groceries. A homeless man approached me to beg for money. I joked with him that he scared me, and he reacted like he was going to attack me! That was an overreaction in my book. It’s as if he knew from the collective consciousness of the town to treat me poorly. Even though he's homeless, he still feels the need to try and one-up me because of that sexual harassment case from years ago. These so-called “cool kids” should just concede defeat. What my former supervisor did years ago was unprofessional, and he deserved to be fired and lose his career. But no! The "in-crowd" has way too much ego to admit wrongdoing and pay for it fairly, especially to someone like me without social connections. They assumed I was just a naive gamer who could be easily manipulated, and because there were so many of them, they thought I would be an easy target. It turns out I wasn't. However, when I gave the homeless man some food, he scoffed at me, as if to say I was cheap. Right next to him was a woman who looked like she was part of the "in-crowd." I could sense her looking at me in my black scrubs and athletic build. You’d think she would at least say, “Hi, what’s your name?” but no! Ever since I filed that case against my former supervisor, the local "in-crowd" has been out to get me. Of course, she would just look at me and never say anything, even though we might make a good couple. Just the other day, I received an Instagram message from a fake profile pretending to be a sexy woman. Again, I sense this originates from my filing against that "in-crowd" supervisor who lost his career because of my actions. I put "her" in her place too. What self-respecting woman, especially one who looked respectable from her photo, would message a man to come over for sex? It just highlights the stupidity of the "in-crowd." No classy woman would ever behave that way, and after I confronted her, I bet it just invited more unwarranted attacks from the "in-crowd." I have a post on my Facebook about this, discussing the concept of “collective consciousness.” It makes me wonder, if people are this foolish to treat someone like me so poorly for no reason other than to appear cool, then I want nothing to do with them at all! I HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH!!!

Personal Weekly Update Blog Post

What's up, nerds! Another week, another blog post. I had an okay week. This week, my car is due for its service and needs an oil change. It’s scheduled for the 20,000-mile service. I called them up, and they said it’s fine if I go over the 20,000-mile mark a little bit, so I might get my service done maybe on Monday or something—I don’t know. I don’t want to wait too long because it’s my only car, and if I lose it or it breaks down, there goes my life. In California, having a car is essential; maybe it’s different in New York, but in California, without a car, you're pretty much at risk of being homeless. Luckily, I have a really dependable car that’s built for commuting—a Toyota Corolla 4-cylinder sedan. It’s not made for speed but can handle basic commuting from point A to point B, which is what most people want out of their vehicle. A lot of the COs at my job drive really fast cars, and I can’t help but wonder how long those last and what their gas mileage and reliability are like. My Toyota is known as one of the most dependable cars in the American market, so I’m pretty much set when it comes to automobiles for a while. I also had CPR training yesterday, which was Friday. One of the trainers gave me a look that seemed like she liked me—or at least thought I was cute. I think she’s married, LOL! I guess I give off quite the impression to the women at my job, which is probably why some of the more masculine women try to compete with me and also the male COs. It can get annoying to go to work and feel like you’re in the playoffs constantly, as if you’re playing some sort of game where the prize is just a bigger ego. Personally, I’d much rather work together with others, but then again, that might be why my family doesn’t like me. I’m beginning to think that people like me, who don’t compete—let’s call us "Non-Gamers"—tend to make others look bad. Since none of my family are "Non-Gamers," they are all 'gamers", they probably all dislike me because, as I told a friend a long time ago, "When you don’t compete, you will win the competition" even if you weren’t competing in the first place or didn’t even know you were in a contest. It reminds me of when I started going to the gym here in Bakersfield around 1996. Nobody cared whether I was there or not; there were so many total badasses there—all ripped and big. I felt intimidated, like I didn’t belong, but I persevered anyway and kept at it. a year later, I got fairly big and muscular, but nowhere near as muscular as some of the others. I trained in a way that was different from them—drug-free and alcohol-free. Once, a big guy, steroid-using guy commented as another rookie at the gym was trying to follow my training style, he shouldn’t follow my lead because “I don’t know what I’m doing,” and I know the rest of the bodybuilders were laughing. Flash forward to 2026, and I am 52 years old now, and here I am. I do cardio for an hour, and I’ve been doing it for almost 25 years now. I’m a little bigger than I was before, and all those total badasses from 1996 are gone. I don’t see any of them in any gyms in town. I think one of them went to jail for drug dealing, and I know another one, who I kind of looked up to—he was my height but ten times bigger—died after a confrontation with some kids who were playing loud music outside his house. The three kids ganged up on him when he got angry, and they beat him to death. Over the years, I've worked out like them, always on the down-low, laughed at because I supposedly didn’t know what I was doing while they did. Well, they’re all gone from the gym now. I think a lot of them are embarrassed about how they look due to excessive steroid use, alcohol abuse, age, and chemical dependency. They thought they were invincible, but it caught up with them. But here I am, still looking the same, if not better, than in 1996—drug-free and alcohol-free. I also didn’t realize that when you work out and stay drug-free and alcohol-free for the rest of your life, you become mentally tough too. Now, not only am I slightly bigger than I was in 1996, but since I stayed sober, I’m mentally tougher than before and can handle any mental strain. Nothing gets to me. That bodybuilder from back in the day, who made that comment about me not knowing what I was doing in the gym, came to Planet Fitness one time. When I saw him, he looked like an old, overweight man with steroid and alcohol problems. His face looked old. He was probably just as old as I am now, yet he looked much older. I looked at him, and he looked at me. I started to think he might have found out that I still work out after all these years and wanted to see how I looked. When he saw that I looked slightly bigger and better looking from the neck up and the neck down, he never came back! I HATE PEOPLE! MAHALO!

Correctional Officer Disciplinary Write-Up Response

Hello, everyone! Another week, another post. I had a pretty good week, but there’s not much to report. However, I did receive a write-up for sleeping on the job, which I think is ridiculous. I told the person who issued the write-up that my co-workers constantly complain about me because they see my youthful energy—I could easily pass for 25! I believe they are just envious. Instead of looking in the mirror and thinking, "I need to be more like Leo," they shoot the messenger, which is me. They complain because I make them look bad. The correctional officers I work with have a very masculine job, and when you add the presence of several blonde nurses, it creates a competitive atmosphere that leads to bogus complaints coming my way. As for me, I never complain about anyone. Anyone who has been on a sports team knows we just keep our heads down and do our jobs. But some of the correctional officers at my job—while they may be athletic—didn’t get that way through hard work and discipline learned from sports. Many of them became athletic through laziness in the gym and using performance-enhancing drugs. I don’t get many complaints from them, mostly just glares of envy, because they know my muscles are real, unlike theirs. Most of my complaints come from wannabe athletes: women who wish they could compete with men and think all men are hyper-competitive (not true!), and insecure men who want to hinder my progress at work. I explained to the person who filed the complaint that once, at aprevious job, I was written up for not having my shoelaces tied, and my boss ended up okay-ing it! When the person who complained warned me that she would escalate the issue, I told her to go right ahead; this is a free country, and I also mentioned, “land of the free, home of the brave,” while looking at her. She immediately got up and complained like the immature person she is. A lot of these female COs act like men but don’t quite manage it! A real man who has been in sports would probably just glare at me or respect my work ethic and move on. Only someone truly insecure would complain. Many of these female COs probably got involved with the wrong types of men when they were younger and now think that all men are hyper-competitive. When I have my next meeting with her, I’ll set her straight. On the bright side, my Geico car insurance bill decreased by almost $70, which made me happy. Additionally, my cellphone buyback went through, and I should soon see a credit of nearly $400 in my account. It’s interesting how, when you live a god-fearing life, you may face setbacks like the complaint against me at work, but then God blesses you in other ways—like a lower car insurance bill and $400 in your account. It feels like God looks out for loyal disciples. I pray in my spare time, and I guess He hears my prayers and blesses me! Maybe people sense that I am blessed and want to mess with me because they aren’t blessed themselves and resent me for it. I don’t know! All I know is that I’m glad I’m not part of the "Cool Kids," because I’m starting to realize that being "Cool" often means not receiving blessings. I HATE PEOPLE! Until next time... MAHALO!

Informal Personal Update Email

Hi, fellow nerds of Bakersfield! I had another week full of fun nerdy activities. Unfortunately, I didn't get much time to play video games, and work has been going okay. I can't shake the feeling that my immediate co-workers are a bit jealous of me. They often seem to ask indirect questions about me. For instance, on Friday, one of my co-workers next to me mentioned having a problem with bad breath when she eats, and another co-worker asked, "What do you do about it?" She replied, "I brush my teeth right after." I thought they were indirectly asking me, "Hey, Leo, how do you keep your teeth so white and your breath so fresh?" I suspect they hesitate to ask me directly because it might imply they find my teeth attractive, and that could be misunderstood as flirtation. It’s interesting to consider that many of the women I work with might be competing with me in ways I don’t even realize—like in cleanliness of breath or whiteness of teeth. This reminded me of a former co-worker named Gus at San Miniato Group Home, who also asked how I keep my teeth so white and how I afford dentist visits on minimum wage. I told both of them that I use Listerine Ultra Clean, rinsing for one minute in the morning and one minute at night, which helps me avoid bad breath and discolored teeth altogether. I even mentioned to Gus that Listerine Ultra Clean is marketed as providing a clean similar to a dentist's visit. Reflecting on these interactions, I wonder how many other hidden competitions I’ve unknowingly participated in. Did I rank first or second in this unspoken rivalry? I was fired from San Miniato Group Home, and I can't help but think it might have been due to these secret competitions. Perhaps my co-workers felt frustrated because they couldn’t measure up, leading to my dismissal. I now wonder if even some of the clients at the group home were secretly competing with me. It’s sad because I view myself as a good person, or at least I try to be, yet I'm often seen as the enemy everywhere I go. This feeling extends to the gym I attend, Planet Fitness on Airport Drive. No one comes to talk to me there, just like at the Planet Fitness on California; I feel ignored and excluded as people tend to converse with everyone but me. Going through days and years without anyone talking to you is challenging. Coupled with my lifelong sobriety, it can feel like being utterly alone. I'm fortunate to have found a woman who cared about me, as most "cool" people or those in the "in-crowd"—who I refer to as part-time alcoholics—would likely never acknowledge a "nerd" like me. They're usually too preoccupied with their relationships to even consider someone they might label as a "loser." As an incel trying to stay positive despite the challenges, I often feel like being lifelong sober sets me against society. It’s as if I’m either with the group or against it. Which do you think I am, unwillingly? I HATE PEOPLE!!! HATE THEM SO MUCH!!!

Personal Grievance and Social Commentary Note

Hiya, Nerds! Wackos! I had an okay week this week. I still feel like I'm not liked at work, and I think about how nice people are treated in American society these days. This issue isn't just limited to America; society around the world is affected because American culture influences so much. It seems to be a social construct to treat nice people poorly and manipulate them into feeling bad, which leads them to become drug addicts or worse—drug-addicted winos. Now I understand why there are so many homeless people in the world. Many of them are probably brilliant or simply non-competitive. Because they don't compete with anyone except themselves, those around them may feel threatened by their talents and treat them poorly as a result. Their goodness shines through, and they don't have fragile egos; they're just happy to be alive. There's something that God adores in people who are content just to exist, which often he blesses them with unique talents and traits. I keep thinking about basketball, and Vince Carter comes to mind as one of the most talented NBA players in history. I believe he was gifted these talents because he is not overly competitive; he seems genuinely happy to be in the NBA. Another example is Luka Doncić. I've seen videos where his teammates intentionally don't high-five him. They seem to treat Luka poorly because he radiates happiness, and unfortunately, many immature people see happiness as a sign of stupidity. So, people like Luka, myself, and Vince Carter get mistreated for it. Today at work, nobody wanted to talk to me. The IT guy even threatened me, saying I could get in trouble for using the internet and warned me not to watch videos online, claiming he would report me. However, he said he'd give me a chance today. I also cracked a joke to a 50-year-old coworker, saying, "Those tours in 'Nam made me jumpy!" She didn’t laugh; she just yelled, "LIAR!" like some famous personalities do. It seems no one appreciates a handsome, purpose-driven man like myself. While a pretty, purpose-driven woman might be envied by other women and adored by men, I face envy from both genders. It's like double the hate for me. I found a workaround for the internet issue, though; I put movies on my phone and use Bluetooth headphones. So now, what are they going to complain about? My shoelaces being untied? LOL! It feels like these "Cool Kids" are just popular, evil nerds who can't handle someone like me. I find them laughable, but I can't help but hate them back, just like they hate me. It's sad that there are bad people everywhere, and they always seem to attack in packs, never one-on-one, which is truly cowardly. Sadly, it feels like everyone in Bakersfield wants to gang up on a gamer like me, just trying to enjoy life through video games. It makes you wonder if these "Cool Kids" have anything better to do with their time, and it seems they don't! On another note, I think I got swindled on eBay. I'm willing to bet that the postal worker secretly knows me and was recruited by jealous people to mess with me—possibly with my brother and mother's consent. I’m out $1,200, the cost of my laptop that I sold online, just because these bad people from Bakersfield want to envy someone who doesn’t earn more than a construction worker. How pathetic is that? People aren't the same anymore! I dislike them all! F*CK YOU!!!

Finding My Groove at Work and Life After 52

Hello, Nerds! Hello, fellow weirdos! I had a great week this week. I finally received my new laptop in the mail, the one I’ve been waiting for for a while. It’s custom-built with tailor-made components and costs upwards of $6,000. It is quite a beast of a laptop and can handle any game I throw at it. I'm really happy with it! Also on a brighter note, work is going well for me. I think I've finally found my groove at my job, and I’m not as tired as I was when I was juggling my K.V.S.P. job and my Group Home job. It’s quite a difference! I’ve started to notice that I seem to be drawing some jealousy from the correctional officers (COs) at my job due to their competitive nature. Personally, I’m not very competitive and would rather get along with people. I recently discovered that many people around me, including some guys at the gym, are very competitive, and I didn’t even realize that I had been in an unspoken competition with them for years. I hope to do well in the “game” with the COs and the other guys at the gym. I want them to understand that I’m just trying to get healthy and lead a normal life like any other straight man who works and works out. I’m not trying to one-up anyone for sure. Just yesterday, I caught two younger guys giving me some dirty looks at the gym. One of them is probably in his 20s or 30s. Keep in mind, I’m 52 years old, and at this stage in life, you're really just balancing grandkids or saving for retirement, not competing for women with men in their prime. In a way, it’s quite flattering. Despite my age, I suppose I still pose a perceived threat to these younger men, making me feel somewhat relevant. I hope those two guys understand that men at 52 often feel invisible to women and aren’t looking to compete. Their glares only boosted my ego and made me think, “I must be impressive to these younger guys! LOL!” On a business note, I received my paycheck for May just the other week, and it was a fairly good one—on par with my previous checks. I also got paid on the 20th of May, so overall, it’s been a good month salary-wise. I had a great week, and I’m looking forward to what’s to come with this job! I dare to say it, but maybe I’ve finally found a home and won’t get fired from this job. I don’t know for sure… Anyways, mahalo!

Workplace Social Isolation Complaint

Hello, everyone! I’ve come to the conclusion that I am the most disliked person at my job. I can sense this animosity because my coworkers rarely engage me in conversation. When they do, it feels like they're just paying me lip service, perhaps to cover themselves if they later get critized that they ignore me at work. Especially in the office, while I'm prepping for the doctors, I can feel the tension from my fellow M.A. coworkers. Many people carry big egos, which they often aren’t aware of. Smart individuals like myself tend to lack an inflated ego. From their perspective, my quiet nature makes me seem arrogant, so they choose to avoid me. They project their own insecurities onto me, treating me as if I have the flaws they possess. They struggle as M.A.'s because their egos hinder them, while I excel due to my humility. They might know this deep down but are in denial about my abilities. Consequently, I find myself isolated, preparing for my doctor alone. This situation mirrors my experiences at the gym and in life here in Bakersfield. I’ve lived in this town for over 30+ years and have had only one "friend" who aimed to lead me down a destructive path. He wanted to turn me into a meth addict and he would enjoy taking responsibility for it. As Justin Timberlake said, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.” My so-called friend John encouraged me to do drugs, become an alcoholic, and engage in reckless behavior. When I refused to let him ruin my life, he texted me, “DO IT BAD ASS DUDE… THAT'S IT I'M BLOCKING YOU!” After that, I never heard from him again...and that is the ONLY friend I have ever really ha din Bakersfield Wherever I go, it seems I inevitably become the most hated person in the room, whether at work or elsewhere. I even feel the disdain from the doctor next to me, who pretends to engage but really gives me poor advice instead. It’s clear he dislikes me for reasons I don’t understand. Every day at work, I can sense the negative energy directed at me. The same goes for the gym—I feel a palpable hatred, as if I’m guilty of something terrible, despite having done nothing wrong. Recently, at my former job, I was falsely accused of making inappropriate remarks toward a former client, suggesting I had improper intentions. This is also the same workplace where a coworker attempted to steal $7,000 from me. The employees around me fail to realize that I am "Chosen." No matter what they do or say, I will continue to rise above it. God has my back. This is the reality for a good person who has been marginalized by the "Star Chamber of cool" in a town that isolates people like me. It's reminiscent of the song "Outside." by the band Staind. The joke is on them; since I wasn’t invited to their parties, I focused on becoming a better person and achieving success. What else can you do when you’ve been intentionally isolated for years and are a good person? There’s really nothing left but to improve oneself, and over time, that determination leads to becoming... UNSTOPPABLE!!! I ABSOLUTELY HATE PEOPLE! Until next time, Mahalo!

Inmate Incident Report and Workplace Grievance

Hello, everyone! Here we are again, another weekend to embrace our nerdiness. I had an okay week, though I got into trouble again for something that wasn't my fault. While I was on the M.A. line in A yard, the COs deliberately didn't inform me that I had a patient. The patient, an inmate, yelled at me, and I honestly thought he was going to hit me. I got rattled and ended up talking about how Marcus Fenix is similar in that he's a brilliant soldier and an excellent tactician, but he will always be mistreated in the workplace and blocked in life. I reiterated how good people often face obstacles and aren’t given any leeway for mistakes. The inmate yelled at me, “Dummy!” No one defended me. After the incident, I had a meeting with the supervisor of that wing and explained that if the CO had communicated that I had an inmate waiting, I could have addressed my patients sooner, and the inmate wouldn’t have felt the need to yell at me. I wouldn’t have been rattled and talking to someone else because of it. What did the supervisor do? She made me the fall guy, of course. Because I don’t fit the typical mold of an old, balding man, it seems to always be my fault, even though I’m 52 years old. In her words, I was just “talking crazy.” There was no acknowledgment that it truly wasn’t my fault. It feels like people care more about appearances. If men don’t look like overweight, balding alcoholics, they’re either deemed gay or stupid. Since I don’t act gay, I must be considered stupid and crazy—thus making the entire incident my fault. It really sucks to be me, yet these people seem to envy me so much. If you want to make a change, start being sober right now and notice how people treat you differently. Trust me, when you're sober, nobody seems to like you, and that goes double for those who have been sober for life, like me, since I was six years old. People like that definitely get treated poorly. On the bright side, we have a three-day weekend, and I can't wait! I was really looking forward to this weekend to do some gaming or maybe even go to the mall. It’s interesting that when I surprised people by talking like someone who’s 52 but don’t look it because I take care of myself, they pretended to be interested, saying that “I need to relax.” I know my coworkers don’t genuinely like me and envy my life, so I humored them. When we were walking to our cars, I ended up walking alone...

Personal Blog Entry: Ubernerd's Weekly Update

Hi everyone—another blog entry from your local uber-nerd. I had a good week, which feels rare when you often feel criticized or misunderstood. I mentioned to the co-worker who sits next to me that I thought I had not been charged for my Alienware laptop yet, and he explained that the charge would only appear when it shipped. I checked, and he was right. When you are used to being treated badly or misled, it can be hard to trust someone even when they are telling the truth. I bought the laptop on April 30, so I kept wondering why I had not been charged, but now I understand how it works. I also reviewed my budget this morning. From my job at K.V.S.P., I should have about two thousand dollars of extra spending money each month. That made me think about losing my job at San Miniato Group Home, where my co-worker Taki said they saw me as a threat. I was really upset when I lost that job because I thought it would leave me with much less extra money to save for retirement. But as a certified medical assistant, I should still have about two thousand dollars extra each month, so I may have worried more than necessary. At San Miniato, I had about four thousand dollars of extra money to spend, so this is less, but it is still manageable. It may also be good for me to slow down, work less, relax, and make more time for myself—like playing video games on the weekend. Now that my weekends are free, I can finish my tasks on Saturday instead of splitting them between Saturday and Sunday. I actually like having weekends off because it gives me time to rest and catch my breath. I hope my paycheck this month is strong because I need to pay off the seven thousand dollars I put on my credit card for the Alienware laptop, along with my regular living expenses. I should also receive cash back from my American Express card, which will help reduce my monthly costs. Maybe I have finally made it through the difficult period of balancing San Miniato and K.V.S.P. Maybe there was a reason I worked at San Miniato, and maybe I was meant to play a role in the lives of clients like Matt, Joe, Alex, and Chris. I do not know. What I do know is that I was fired because they saw me as a threat, as Taki told me, and that experience changed how I see the people who managed the group home, the staff, the people at People's Care, and people in general. I do not know many people who can live comfortably on less than thirty-two thousand dollars a year, and maybe that is one reason I often feel out of step with others. Still, I believe I have a light within me. Till next time... MAHALO! Oh... And I hate people.

Workplace Conflict and Overtime Discussion

Hello, Nerds! Fellow Weirdos of our towns! I had an okay week. Today, my co-workers at my M.A. job got upset with me, accusing me of talking badly about them to the C.O.s. I explained that the C.O.s are just trying to get into their good graces and want to make me look bad to score points with the M.A.s to sleep with them. Honestly, I think my co-workers are primarily upset about the recent increase in workload, as we've been required to work a lot of overtime lately due to the number of double and sometimes triple lines we need to complete. Personally, I don't mind because we’re getting paid for it, and if we work extra, we are compensated for that too. So why get angry about it, right? I don’t have a family, so if anyone should complain, it should really be me because I don’t need that much money to survive. The others have kids, so they should be welcoming the overtime. But they don’t seem to like it. If I were in a relationship and my partner had to work overtime to pay the bills, I wouldn’t mind not seeing her because sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Right? I think my co-workers were just mad and needed to vent. Since I am calm and rarely get angry, I tend to be an easy target for their emotional outbursts; I often wind up being the local punching bag for job stress. I’ve noticed that my co-workers seem to think I have a lot of money because they keep asking me how much I pay in rent and how I manage my bills. I don’t mind sharing, as what I do isn’t really complicated. I just budget and live in affordable accommodations. I hope they don’t envy me for this, especially since I don’t make a lot of money as an M.A. I’m just efficient and wise with my spending. In my mind, this shouldn't lead to any resentment because anyone can do it. It doesn’t take a math wizard; you just need to sit down with a piece of paper, a pen, a calculator, or in my case, a computer, and work through the calculations. Once you figure it out, life gets a lot easier. Given all the snacks and Starbucks my co-workers buy, I bet food is the main reason they struggle to pay their bills and sometimes don’t show up to work. Last month, I made around $10,000 from this job, and I suspect they earned about the same, which should be more than enough for anyone. I hope they don’t envy me or try to get me fired like my previous co-workers at the group home did. They really had serious issues, and I’m glad I’m no longer there. I've been having conversations with a guy at Planet Fitness. Based on his responses, I’m getting the sinking feeling that others there know where I work and might even know where I live. I guess I have stalkers. As a Chosen One, I feel like I need to be careful, almost like the president, because these stalkers might have bad intentions. That's why I've set my living room lights on a timer and blocked my bathroom window with a blackout curtain. This way, if people pass by my apartment at night, they'll have no idea whether I’m home unless they know what car I drive. I’m starting to think it might be better to park elsewhere and not in my apartment’s parking lot to stay incognito, but I’m uncertain. As a Chosen One, I'm always a bit paranoid! I hate people! Until next time... MAHALO!