Personal Reflection and Job Anxiety

Hi y'all!!! Fellow Nerds!!! I had a fairly good week. I keep thinking about how everybody seems to ignore me everywhere I go. The Starbucks I go to has been my regular spot for almost 12 years, and I really don’t know anyone there. The only person I used to talk to has left, and the only other person who acknowledges me is a disabled guy who says hi to everybody. It feels like everyone intentionally ignores me. I’m also thinking about my new job that starts this Monday. I’m feeling kind of apprehensive and nervous about it, but not as much as I used to. In the past, I would get really anxious about starting jobs because my family constantly put me down and destroyed my confidence. Every time I got a job, I feared I would ruin everything. However, I've managed to rebuild the confidence that my jealous family members tried to steal. They were envious of me all along. When I lived with my family, I didn’t realize how talented I was because nobody ever told me. Instead, they kept saying how stupid I was and never acknowledged my strengths. At 26, I moved out with my girlfriend, and it was only then that I began to see my capabilities, thanks to her unbiased perspective. I owe a lot to her for helping me regain my confidence. I can't shake the feeling that my family has some dark secrets. My mother is a geneticist making a lot of money, yet she seems like the most clueless doctor I know. My brother, who apparently got all D’s in school and wasn’t really interested in education, is now a machinist supervisor making six figures, has a wife, a house, and a kid. It makes me wonder what they had to do to achieve their material wealth. I don’t believe it was worth it, considering they still seem to envy me. Here I am, living in a two-bit apartment on the East Side and driving a cheap Toyota Corolla. My mother has all the riches in the world and a late husband who never abandoned her, yet she envies me. My brother has plenty of friends to support him, a BMW, and a son, but I still get the impression that he envies me too. I remember years ago when my brother tried to pull me into his alcoholism after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I resisted, which may have only fueled his jealousy. I often reflect on how strange my breakup was. My ex-girlfriend told me I never did anything wrong, so why did she break up with me? It makes me wonder if there’s some sort of conspiracy or nefarious plot involving my family that is out to ruin my life. It sometimes feels like my struggles are more challenging than 99 percent of other people’s lives. Could it be that I am the Chosen One? The jury is still out on that one… Till Next time… TURST NO ONE!!! MAHALO!