Workplace Firing Reflections

Hello all! Fellow Nerds of Bakersfield. I have had a lot of time to reflect on my firing at Kern Valley State Prison. It was devastating, to the point where, when they fired me, they must have thought I would get mad because there was a CO there while I was being fired in the office. I was very depressed and sad, thinking that I must have done something wrong. I don’t know. I am beginning to think that I am just a saint, and if you are too good a person, people take offense. I did not realize until a few years ago that people were always in a competitive mindset and that everybody competes, which is why they asked me a lot of personal questions at work, like how much I pay for rent and things like that. It is disheartening to think that everybody is against you at work. I even get that feeling at the Starbucks I go to. People think I have an easy life when I really do not. Most people do not see the inner work that I must do. They only see the outer work, and when you are trying to make it in the world by yourself, there is a lot of inner work required, like managing stress…etc..etc. But anyway, I got fired, and I was escorted out like a Unabomber terrorist as a final insult to me. I am beginning to think that I just cannot coexist with other people because, like I said, most people are competing and cannot keep to themselves at all. They eavesdrop on others to see how they are doing. They must have thought that I was rich or something or hated me in some way and wanted to sabotage my life. I hate people. I hate them so much. They just think that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and that success was handed to me. It is like at the Starbucks I go to nobody ever talks to me, not even the mentally disabled person who goes there. They must think I am arrogant or full of myself because everybody intentionally avoids me. When I do talk to them, they pretend not to hear me. Then, to top it all off, they tell me to talk to them. It does not make any sense to me. I just go to Starbucks, do my gaming, and go home. The only people who talk to me are the baristas, and with some of them, I get a sense of hostility too. They must seriously think I am rich and simply do not want to spend money at their store, and that I just sit there and play games. Most people are just at surface level, and they do not realize that I make just as much money as those baristas. That is why I go there and do not really buy anything, not because I am some cheap doctor, which is what I am sure they are thinking. I told one of the workers there that I am just efficient with my money and that I make as much money as them. Wherever I go, it feels like people constantly want to compete with me and win. At the gym, I initially just wanted to get in shape to find a girl, but instead I feel like I am in competition with 20 to 30 people. The pressure is non-stop, and I hate people because of it. OH WELL!! Till next time! MAHALO!