Personal Reflection and Job Anxiety

Hi y'all!!! Fellow Nerds!!! I had a fairly good week. I keep thinking about how everybody seems to ignore me everywhere I go. The Starbucks I go to has been my regular spot for almost 12 years, and I really don’t know anyone there. The only person I used to talk to has left, and the only other person who acknowledges me is a disabled guy who says hi to everybody. It feels like everyone intentionally ignores me. I’m also thinking about my new job that starts this Monday. I’m feeling kind of apprehensive and nervous about it, but not as much as I used to. In the past, I would get really anxious about starting jobs because my family constantly put me down and destroyed my confidence. Every time I got a job, I feared I would ruin everything. However, I've managed to rebuild the confidence that my jealous family members tried to steal. They were envious of me all along. When I lived with my family, I didn’t realize how talented I was because nobody ever told me. Instead, they kept saying how stupid I was and never acknowledged my strengths. At 26, I moved out with my girlfriend, and it was only then that I began to see my capabilities, thanks to her unbiased perspective. I owe a lot to her for helping me regain my confidence. I can't shake the feeling that my family has some dark secrets. My mother is a geneticist making a lot of money, yet she seems like the most clueless doctor I know. My brother, who apparently got all D’s in school and wasn’t really interested in education, is now a machinist supervisor making six figures, has a wife, a house, and a kid. It makes me wonder what they had to do to achieve their material wealth. I don’t believe it was worth it, considering they still seem to envy me. Here I am, living in a two-bit apartment on the East Side and driving a cheap Toyota Corolla. My mother has all the riches in the world and a late husband who never abandoned her, yet she envies me. My brother has plenty of friends to support him, a BMW, and a son, but I still get the impression that he envies me too. I remember years ago when my brother tried to pull me into his alcoholism after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I resisted, which may have only fueled his jealousy. I often reflect on how strange my breakup was. My ex-girlfriend told me I never did anything wrong, so why did she break up with me? It makes me wonder if there’s some sort of conspiracy or nefarious plot involving my family that is out to ruin my life. It sometimes feels like my struggles are more challenging than 99 percent of other people’s lives. Could it be that I am the Chosen One? The jury is still out on that one… Till Next time… TURST NO ONE!!! MAHALO!

Starbucks Encounter: Budget Criticism

HIYA NERDSS, WEIDO-WACKOS! I wanted to share something that happened yesterday at Starbucks. There was this kid, probably in his twenties, who started talking smack about me. He claimed that every time I go to Starbucks, I only buy something costing less than two dollars. He even mentioned knowing a gay YouTuber who's really budget-conscious. I responded, "Oh wow, that's great." But judging by his tone, what he was really trying to say was that since I have money, I should be spending more. While he's right to a certain extent, but what these lazy, unattractive men—and in this case, a gay man—need to understand is that when you're handsome and athletic and perceived as a sexual threat, people aren't eager to help you out. Yes, I have savings, and I could easily spend more at Starbucks, but if an emergency arises—like if a jealous guy from the gym who dislikes me decides to slash my tires because he's envious—who will pay for new tires? Will this unattractive, overweight gay man with all his friends, because nobody sees him as a sexual threat, step in to help? Absolutely not. My dad would never buy me anything, and my mother, who is focused on beauty, sees me as competition since I'm a good-looking guy; she wouldn't help me either. So even though I do have money, I find myself unable to spend it freely! I have to get creative with how I enjoy myself, which usually means going to Starbucks, playing video games, and maybe buying something inexpensive like a piece of cheese. I spend about $50 a month on this. If I were to splurge on more expensive food, like a $30 pizza every time I went there, then I’d be risking my savings if I needed money for something important later. Who would bail me out then? None of those guys competing with me would help; they’d probably relish in my misfortune. Most people don’t understand the challenges that come with being good-looking and athletic beyond high school. Their idea of social and financial success comes from their high school experiences, but what they fail to realize is that after high school, the uglier you are, the more nasty a person you are, the more you might succeed. In contrast, when you're perceived as a sexual threat, you're more likely to be let go from your job soon after. It's crucial for me to have cash reserves; otherwise, I could end up homeless. Many attractive men have faced severe struggles, even contemplating suicide, due to this ongoing competition with other men and women since childhood. The bottom line is that life is much harder for a handsome man than for a beautiful woman. Beautiful women are everywhere, while there is only about one in 1,000 handsome men with high testosterone out there, making us a rare and dwindling breed. It’s truly reflective of the times we’re living in… Oh! And I hate people! MAHALO!

Fire Card Training Reflection

What’s up, NERDS!!! WEIRDOS!!! It’s time for another blog post from the biggest serial killer in Bakersfield, that has never harmed anyone. I just completed my Fire Card training for work, and I must say, it was remarkably interesting. I answered all the questions correctly except for the one about leaving an unruly patient during a fire. With over 20 years of caregiving experience, I couldn't bring myself to say I would leave a patient in that situation, even if they were difficult. I would feel terrible, like I had sinned. I know the right answer is to evacuate because a fire can spread rapidly—completely engulfing a building within minutes. Still, I can't imagine leaving my former clients in such a situation. It would break my heart to see someone like Matt or Joe perish in a fire, especially when Joe just wants to feel loved by a woman and live a good life. I wouldn’t be able to abandon them like that. Honestly, like Indiana Jones, I would find a way to save everyone, even if it meant thinking on my feet. As Indiana Jones would say “I dunno…I am making this up as I go…” Maybe it was a trick question, because any seasoned nurse, or in my case, veteran healthcare worker, would struggle with the idea of leaving patients to die, even if it were difficult to evacuate them. While going through my training, I also watched a video discussing why good people nowadays often cut ties with others. This resonated deeply with me. I used to give everything to everyone; I would beg for acknowledgement and friendship, but it was never reciprocated. Tired of being hurt in this selfish world, I decided to distance myself and focus on my journey with just myself and God. I’m so exhausted by selfish people. Like my neighbor, for instance. I gave him some sound advice about staying in these apartments despite the lack of central air, pointing out how affordable they are and that any job could easily cover the rent. But it seems my kindness only encouraged him to take advantage. He started grooming his dog right outside my apartment and never cleaned up the hair. Then, he dumped a lot of trash in front of my house, assuming I wouldn’t report him. Well, I reprted the trash and filed a complaint, but he still hasn’t stopped. While he’s not dumping trash outside anymore, he has now cluttered my yard with his gardening supplies. He seems totally unaware that this bothers me. He claimed he made a garden for another neighbor but never offered to do anything for my yard. When I told him to do whatever he wanted, he smiled as if he thought he was getting away with something. I’ve filed a complaint, and if he continues this behavior, I’ll file another one. I thought I had a friend in my neighbor, but it turns out all I have is a black hole that just sucks away my kindness. Young people today seem to grow up with everything handed to them, and when they become adults, they often develop a sense of entitlement and narcissistic tendencies that ruin society. They take everything that isn’t nailed down and care about no one but themselves! As I have gotten older, I have grown to despise people more and more….and isolate more and more…. Till Next Time! MAHALO!!