Personal Grievance Blog Post

Hello Fellow nerd-weirdos. Another week, another blog post from that smelly nerd in the corner: the FAG-dude of Bakersfield! I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my time on this earth and at my various jobs, and I have come to realize how tortured I am as a person—not by the world, but by people. Everyone I have met or knew for an extended period has either backstabbed me, treated me like shit, or verbally assaulted me my entire whole life. Including my family, who psychologically messed me up, and I had to take every single psych med ever made. They were proud of doing it too! Do you know why? It’s because I don’t talk to them! Well, why don’t they talk to me? Then I can answer their questions, and we can have a conversation. How about that? Because if you are going to go through all that just to make me do all the work and effort to approach you—and it is you that wants to talk to me—why don’t you save everybody the trouble and heartache and just come up to me and ask? Anyway, I was at Starbucks the other day, and nobody was within 15 feet of me. Nobody really wanted to talk to me ever. They just like to stare at the freak of nature, the Unabomber in the corner plotting to firebomb the place. It is sad because I have taken care of Vietnam veterans for little to no pay, or have been the father figure to disabled kids, again for little to no pay. But when I go outside, I am just the weirdo Unabomber that you don’t want to sit next to. He is a pedophile and rapist, right? I find it sad that someone like me, a veteran caregiver of 25 years, is treated this way, but this is the way it is. Also, the women there intentionally hit on hella-old people in front of me and laugh at me just to make it a point to show what a pathetic loser of a man I am. Yet somehow, as I am afraid of these people, I must muster up the guts to talk to them. I am afraid of them!!! I am guessing they are gaslighting me to yell so they can point to me and say, “THAT’S THE BAD GUY!” Like how that woman at Walmart yelled at me for my food choices that I bought there. She looked like she had never exercised in her life, telling me how to eat and exercise. And when I got mad, everybody looked at me like I was the bad guy. At this point, I just hate people. I am not looking to converse at Starbucks with people like this who are crazy. I do not care. There’s this other guy that talks to me. Again, my experience with people is that they pretend to like you, and then when you let your guard down—BAM—the knife is stuck in your back, and they whisper, “gotcha!” as your lifeblood drips down your leg. Which is why I will never be his, or anyone’s, friend, or boyfriend or in the case of straight men I have met their “lady-boy-prostitute!” EVER! As I have gotten older…...I hate people! Till Next Time! MAHALO!

Workplace Firing Reflections

Hello all! Fellow Nerds of Bakersfield. I have had a lot of time to reflect on my firing at Kern Valley State Prison. It was devastating, to the point where, when they fired me, they must have thought I would get mad because there was a CO there while I was being fired in the office. I was very depressed and sad, thinking that I must have done something wrong. I don’t know. I am beginning to think that I am just a saint, and if you are too good a person, people take offense. I did not realize until a few years ago that people were always in a competitive mindset and that everybody competes, which is why they asked me a lot of personal questions at work, like how much I pay for rent and things like that. It is disheartening to think that everybody is against you at work. I even get that feeling at the Starbucks I go to. People think I have an easy life when I really do not. Most people do not see the inner work that I must do. They only see the outer work, and when you are trying to make it in the world by yourself, there is a lot of inner work required, like managing stress…etc..etc. But anyway, I got fired, and I was escorted out like a Unabomber terrorist as a final insult to me. I am beginning to think that I just cannot coexist with other people because, like I said, most people are competing and cannot keep to themselves at all. They eavesdrop on others to see how they are doing. They must have thought that I was rich or something or hated me in some way and wanted to sabotage my life. I hate people. I hate them so much. They just think that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and that success was handed to me. It is like at the Starbucks I go to nobody ever talks to me, not even the mentally disabled person who goes there. They must think I am arrogant or full of myself because everybody intentionally avoids me. When I do talk to them, they pretend not to hear me. Then, to top it all off, they tell me to talk to them. It does not make any sense to me. I just go to Starbucks, do my gaming, and go home. The only people who talk to me are the baristas, and with some of them, I get a sense of hostility too. They must seriously think I am rich and simply do not want to spend money at their store, and that I just sit there and play games. Most people are just at surface level, and they do not realize that I make just as much money as those baristas. That is why I go there and do not really buy anything, not because I am some cheap doctor, which is what I am sure they are thinking. I told one of the workers there that I am just efficient with my money and that I make as much money as them. Wherever I go, it feels like people constantly want to compete with me and win. At the gym, I initially just wanted to get in shape to find a girl, but instead I feel like I am in competition with 20 to 30 people. The pressure is non-stop, and I hate people because of it. OH WELL!! Till next time! MAHALO!

Job Loss and Social Benefits Inquiry

Hi y’all, fellow nerds of Bakersfield. I have had some time off from working, and I am hoping to get unemployment and food stamps. I am about 90 percent sure I will get them, and I keep thinking about how devastating it is for people nowadays to lose a job, let alone a viable career job like the one I had. That is why, when they fired me, there was a captain of the COs in the room. They half expected me to wig out and throw some things, especially because of how they treated me at the job. In my job experience, especially in the health field, it is all about friend circles and not about work. When you are like me and you go to work to work rather than socialize, people can take offense and think you are making them look bad. Also, when you have no friend circle, the people with friend circles who feel slighted by your work ethic and quality of work will enlist their own circle to gang up on you. In my case, they isolated me and verbally insulted me. This is the plight of many geniuses, or “gifted” people. We tend to make others look bad even when we are not trying to. Other people may think we are trying too hard at work just to fight them or make them look lazy, even when that is not our intention. That is just how gifted people are. We have the ability to focus on the task at hand, and that ability to focus makes us better workers. We are not focusing just to make our co-workers look bad, but that is how they take it. Either that, or since they have the power of the group behind them, they want to victimize someone who does not have a group. It is kind of like a “hive-mind” mentality. If one person in the group feels slighted because this loner is a better worker than everybody else, and that person has the group behind them, then they will gang up on the loner. A lot of people get off on the suffering of others, especially in the work world. Nobody is your friend in the work world, especially if you are gifted. My firing saddened me, but I am grateful that the pressure is off now and I can breathe easily. I have a mental health appointment on Monday. I had one a few days ago, and my psychiatrist was concerned about me because I had just gotten fired, so she ordered another appointment to check up on me. Meanwhile, I have been doing a lot of gaming and just thinking about what will become of me when I am old. As it stands now, I feel like nobody likes me, or that if they get to know me, they will hate me. What will become of me? Will I be homeless? Even though my family hates me and I am not sure what will happen to me, my future is uncertain. I have seen a lot of YouTube videos of people who are 55 and homeless because they cannot get a job due to their age. Will I be one of these people? I make sure to never drink, no matter how much pressure is on me, and I work out so that when I get job interviews, I still look young and strong in body and can handle any job. But it deeply saddens me that, as a “chosen one” or elect of God, nobody likes me—not even my family. The righteous path is not only a lonely path, but a hard path as well. Till next time…. MAHALO!!!