Personal Reflection on Social Perceptions and Economic Status

What's up, Serial Killers! I had yet another okay week. I keep thinking about the time I mentioned to CalFresh, aka Foodstamps, that I have a new job now, and my co-worker immediately said, “I wish I had food stamps!” I didn’t respond, but I was thinking, “Dude, someone with 100 grand in retirement will never get food stamps!” I chose to stay silent because I was taken aback that someone would actually say that to someone who is receiving food stamps. It goes to show that if you are poor but look good, people will resent you, while if you are rich but look bad, people will like you. People are all about appearances; you have to look like you are suffering for others to believe that you are suffering. It’s similar to the popularity of the singer Jelly Roll. He sings about drug addiction and being poor, yet he is about 400 pounds overweight and has 50 tattoos on his body. Those choices tell me he would rather spend money on food and tattoos than on things like rehabilitation; hence, his suffering is self-inflicted. Personally, I tend not to spend a lot on food, and I have never had the money for tattoos. But in society, people think it is expensive to be poor and cheap to be rich, which makes absolutely no sense. I also remember saying to two of my co-workers that being low-income isn’t so bad if you apply for all the low-income programs available. Then my gay co-worker replied, “Speak for yourself!” in a tone that suggested he thought I was privileged while he is struggling. I feel like my days are numbered at this job; I will be surprised if I last the whole 12 weeks of the contract. As you can see, I am treated like a “rich guy” despite making the least amount of money here. It’s sad how living on a budget can make you viewed as the “rich guy” that everyone hates; meanwhile, my LVN supervisor with 100 grand in retirement spends like there’s no tomorrow and is seen as the poor one. I already dislike my co-workers and want nothing to do with them. I give them the bare minimum of conversation and pretend to like them, but I won’t talk to them outside of what’s necessary for work. I really don’t care. A sure sign of “fake good people” is those who pretend to be virtuous yet can’t live on a budget. From my experience, people who don’t live within their means are often not good people. It seems my two co-workers are still in high school mentally, as they think good-looking, athletic people are the bad ones who “get everything.” While this may have been true in high school, in the adult world, good-looking people—especially those who are athletic—often face resentment. You'll be hated everywhere, and people remember how jocks behaved in high school. As an athlete, you’ll pay for it forever, even if, like me, you never treated anyone badly during that time. People cling to stereotypes. They believe that good-looking athletic individuals live like Patrick Dempsey in “Grey's Anatomy,” but that’s just a show. The reality is, if you have looks rivaling Patrick Dempsey’s, you’ll be hated at every turn. Men at your job will despise you, and most women will too, thinking you’re a “pimp player” of women. Eventually, you’ll clock in, and no one will acknowledge your existence. You’ll have lunch alone and go home alone, and everyone will be waiting to vent their frustrations on you. They’ll hate you based on high school stereotypes. I absolutely hate people, and I can’t believe I have to deal with this at 52. You’d think people would be proud of me for living right all my life and having no health issues because of it. Instead, they envy me and wish I would quit my job and become a homeless drug addict so I could know what it’s like to... SUFFER! I can’t stand people! Till next time… MAHALO!!!!

Keck USC New Employee Experience

Hi y’all! Fellow Nerdscum! I just started my new job this week at Keck USC. It feels great to be back at work, although I sense a bit of jealousy from my co-workers. There are only two others: Ruben and Breezy. So far, so good. As a Chosen One, I tend to pick up on bad vibes from others at work, like they don’t truly like me but are just pretending because we’re colleagues. If they saw me at Starbucks, for instance, they wouldn’t even acknowledge me—like I’m a weirdo. Anyway, work has been fine, although my co-workers have mentioned that it gets hectic and stressful. However, I believe they say that to discourage me from coming back, possibly because they sense my capabilities and qualifications in the way I carry myself and speak. I’ve experienced this at other jobs, where I initially believed the negativity and chose not to return. I’ve learned to disregard that type of talk; the job has been quite easy. In fact, all I do is room patients. That’s it—I don’t need to do much else besides that. Comparing it to how my co-workers describe the job, it’s been child's play. I suspect they want me to quit before I outshine them. I’m only there temporarily while one of the co-workers, Destiny, is on leave because she’s having a baby. I know they can see that I am much better than Destiny, but you have to understand that this is no longer a man’s world; it’s a woman’s world now, particularly for plus-sized women and gay men. Strong, athletic men often get fired or written up and then let go. The only types of men hired now are weak beta males who struggle with basic skills. Those are the ones who become supervisors and team leads, while alpha males like me, who are nice and not arrogant, can still find themselves out of a job. I just naturally excel by being myself, just being a man. I fear I won’t be hired permanently after the 12-week contract ends. I still hold the belief that strong men are looked down upon in the workforce today. I think this contributes to why the credit rating of the United States dropped a few years ago and may continue to decline, but I digress. I also sense hostility from the people at Starbucks—it's the same vibe I get at work. It feels like everyone there would prefer to see me homeless and on drugs and a wino, and would laugh at my downfall, albeit quietly. Men like me aren’t seen as husband material either because strong men naturally take on leadership roles. I’m not trying to lead; it just comes naturally to me, God is a man after all, and it frustrates both the gay men and plus-sized women at my job, as well as the men competing with me at Starbucks. It took me about 10 or 15 years to realize that life is a game and that everyone is competing. But for what? What do you win? Nothing! Just an Ego Boost! I hate people!!! MAHALO!!

Personal Reflection and Job Anxiety

Hi y'all!!! Fellow Nerds!!! I had a fairly good week. I keep thinking about how everybody seems to ignore me everywhere I go. The Starbucks I go to has been my regular spot for almost 12 years, and I really don’t know anyone there. The only person I used to talk to has left, and the only other person who acknowledges me is a disabled guy who says hi to everybody. It feels like everyone intentionally ignores me. I’m also thinking about my new job that starts this Monday. I’m feeling kind of apprehensive and nervous about it, but not as much as I used to. In the past, I would get really anxious about starting jobs because my family constantly put me down and destroyed my confidence. Every time I got a job, I feared I would ruin everything. However, I've managed to rebuild the confidence that my jealous family members tried to steal. They were envious of me all along. When I lived with my family, I didn’t realize how talented I was because nobody ever told me. Instead, they kept saying how stupid I was and never acknowledged my strengths. At 26, I moved out with my girlfriend, and it was only then that I began to see my capabilities, thanks to her unbiased perspective. I owe a lot to her for helping me regain my confidence. I can't shake the feeling that my family has some dark secrets. My mother is a geneticist making a lot of money, yet she seems like the most clueless doctor I know. My brother, who apparently got all D’s in school and wasn’t really interested in education, is now a machinist supervisor making six figures, has a wife, a house, and a kid. It makes me wonder what they had to do to achieve their material wealth. I don’t believe it was worth it, considering they still seem to envy me. Here I am, living in a two-bit apartment on the East Side and driving a cheap Toyota Corolla. My mother has all the riches in the world and a late husband who never abandoned her, yet she envies me. My brother has plenty of friends to support him, a BMW, and a son, but I still get the impression that he envies me too. I remember years ago when my brother tried to pull me into his alcoholism after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I resisted, which may have only fueled his jealousy. I often reflect on how strange my breakup was. My ex-girlfriend told me I never did anything wrong, so why did she break up with me? It makes me wonder if there’s some sort of conspiracy or nefarious plot involving my family that is out to ruin my life. It sometimes feels like my struggles are more challenging than 99 percent of other people’s lives. Could it be that I am the Chosen One? The jury is still out on that one… Till Next time… TURST NO ONE!!! MAHALO!