I finally did it! I am going to get rid of the nasty scar on my right wrist! I went to Beautologie yesterday to get an evaluation on removing the scar on my right wrist. Its about time! I am ready to move one from it! Everytime I look at it, I am reminded of how family does not love you in this world! The old saying Blood is Thicker than water is not true! The only person that looks out for you in this world is me, myself, and I. It's sad to have come to this realization, but in my life THAT IS THE CASE! They said to apply a cream called clear in the morning and night, and Tretinoin at night on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I have my Pre-Op on the 7th of July and my Laser Treatment on the 13th. I can't wait! And then maybe I no longer need to wear my Fitbit! This will be an important step in my life! A milestone so to speak! I am shedding the old me for a newer stronger me. Ever since I slashed my wrist, I have become stronger and stronger! I no longer need my family in my life! They never really cared about me anyway! I was never invited to my brothers wedding for no reason and I am quite sure I will not be invited to any Family Weddings in the future...deep down...I hope my whole family burns in hell...I never knew any of them anyway.

Hi All! I had my Psychiatric appointment yesterday. I look forward to my appointments, as a I am cut off from social contact. Its the only way I can get things off of my chest, and I think my Psychaitrist knows it, because I go on and on and on. LOL! I got my E.D.D. payments two days ago so I am glad although they are conditional meaning if I am un-approved, they will want it back. i doubt I will be un-approved as I did nothing wrong at Maxim Healthcare. they basically just fired me for no reason! So i sould get it approved. I will find out on June 24th which is exactly 10 days after my E.D.D. phone interview. Like I said I am about 80 to 90 percent sure it will be and if not, I will pay it back in installments and reason with E.D.D. that I needed it to pay bills, which I do because rent is due and other things. I keep thinking about my break-up with my so-called friends and how people always seem to treat me bad. I really don't know why that is and it really bugs and hurts me, to the point that I just retreat to a gameworld. In a Gameworld, hard work is appreciated! the good guys wear white! (Mostly) and the bad guys wear black. A simple world. I think the real reason people treat me bad is because it looks like I am headed somewhere and have a goal unlike them. I guess its lonely at the top...sad too... MAMBA OUT!

I have been feeling quite strange lately and my state of conciousness has been out of whack. I don't know what's going on. I have been lying on my bed thinking that something, or someone is out to get me and it scares me. I have tried some meditation and calming techniques, such as verbalizing my thoughts. Although I kinda verbalize a little too loud and I think I disturb the Neighbors...I dunno. I lost like 5 pounds just lying on my bed wondering what is happening to me. I was drifting in and out of reality almost. It was weird. Today I think I am pulling out of it. I ate alot of carbs, which is good for energy and did a few things on the computer. Such as this blog =D! I still feel I am not fully out of this fuge state I am in, but I am pulling through. I watched alot of vidoes about "The Chosen One" and that there are spiritual battles going on and how this is the Age of Aquarius. It is very scary stuff! It also made me think that maybe I was in a spiritual battle (Praise the Lord He got me through). Anyways I had my E.D.D. Phone yesterday and I answered the questions they asked to the best of my ability. Hopeuflly I will get Unemployment to help pay rent.

I have been reflecting on my time at my last job at Maxim Healthcare. I think I was their best employee, I just get hated on by people in this town for whatever reason. People are ridiculous! They always want to make it seem they are a big deal yet I know they are just a small fry. Its sad that the real hard workers of this Country never get ahead and a bunch of evil lazy asses get everything. I have been watching alot of Youtube lately. It has been the best therapy for me. I have come to realize that the only place I will get advice and real wisdom is from Youtube. Not even my pshychaitrist gives me better advice! My whole family could not careless about me, and I have grown to increasingly not trust them. The only reason they visit me once a year is to see if the torture they are putting me through is making me a drug addict. I told my Niece's "Husband" (Boy-Toy) that my family never has any pictures of me or doesn't know anything about me. So guess what they do? They "Pretend" to visit me "Because they care" (I know they don't) just so they can get pictures of me and copies of my awards to fake to other people that they care, but they don't. I only let them have 2 pictures and I NEVER gave my mother a copy of my awards (which I have many). I am kind of scared but at the same time excited! I am going through life alone! Kind of like the Warrior in Dark Souls. I will have to just trust my intuition and hope that God looks out for me because my family never will. The last call I got from my mother she insinuated she has an Inheritance waiting for me when I get old. I don't believe that for a second! I know for a fact I will be excluded from her will (Only me) just like I was excldued from my brothers wedding for no reason, just like I will be excluded from my nieces wedding for no reason. I word of advice to all the Blacksheep out there..... Stay Sober! then you will graduate to being the ignored one! And if you act like the GOlden Child like I do with alot of awards you will be the Excluded one! The Annoying one! Gordon Freeman out....

I am a little sad today. =( I got fired from my Job at Maxim Healthcare. I get alot of hating and jealousy from people because of the way I look. I am not trying to toot my own horn or anything but people treat me badly because I look a certain way at 50 that is unusual and they hate! They don't realize, that it is their own doing that they look the way they do. They: 1. Drink 2. Smoke 3. Their Lazy 4. They don't have a proper diet 5. they don't have the proper excercise routine Becuase of this jealousy sadly, I cannot last long at a job without someone hating on me. They have this 1930's idea that people are just born to look a certain way. That is not true! If you have the Character, the work ethic, the diet, the proper workout regimen. You too can look 25 at 50! But what is the price? Nobody asks that question. What is the downside? The downside is no Guy will ever want to be your friend (becuase they don't want to compete with you), and since you meet women through other men you end up dying alone with no kids...which is a big downside. I get hate and jealousy from all angles. At work from jealous people, at my apartment (my repair guy wants to get me evicted). They think I have this great life, like Jersey Shore (which I don't) and because EVERYBODY thinks this, I end up with a miserable life. It should be easy for a Gamer to work and play videogames right? Not if everybody is playing games and you are not. I find that sad...pathetic too! <--WILL DIE ALONE