Here I am again! I'm trying to live a normal life, even though I know I don’t have one—LOL! During my visit to the gym today, someone commented on my shirt, which read, "Sobriety from 100 proof to 100% living proof." I took the chance to explain that the message reflects my experience as a lifelong sober individual. I talked about the ongoing challenges of being sober, including facing hatred, vitriol, and people thinking I'm crazy. He mentioned that he was 12 years sober and shared his own struggles. I told him I've been trying since birth, and that raising myself was tough; my functioning alcoholic dad and my functioning alcoholic male siblings didn’t like me, leaving me feeling isolated. He looked shocked. I told him that for most alcoholics, lifelong sobriety isn't what they think it is, mainly because many have never attempted to stay sober for their entire lives. After our conversation, I finished my workout. Many people at the gym know I've never drunk alcohol, and their reactions vary from amazement to indifference. Since I’m in Bakersfield, where many men drink, there might be some respect for my sobriety, but who knows for sure? After the gym, I went to Starbucks and played Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn. I'm almost at the end—I'm in the final area called Suldanessellar. I cheated once in this game, and I feel guilty about it. I don’t like cheating because it feels like I lose gamer cred, but it was just that one time. I wonder what the final battle with Irenicus will be like; it’s probably really hard. The last fight with Sarevok was tough, although the ending video after beating Baldur's Gate was somewhat underwhelming, but I suppose you can’t expect much from an old game. It’s not like modern games with their special effects and great graphics. I keep thinking about when I saw my mom at Walmart. She never said hi to me; it feels like she hates me. The price you pay for being lifelong sober is that your family can end up resenting you. I feel alone now, and I’m uncertain whether my mother will leave me an inheritance. I’m about 80 percent sure she won’t. Still, I live as if she might cut off my inheritance someday, and that scares me. Every time I go to Walmart, I look for places where I can retreat and remain sober, thinking about when I can no longer work. It’s sad how lifelong sober individuals are treated in this world, and I wonder if there are others like me out there. I just hope I will be okay. I probably will never have kids, a family, a house, or friends because of my devotion to God... but I continue to pray. Till next time, Mahalo!

Another week, another blog post. During my time off, I have reflected a lot. I keep wondering if I will be homeless in my old age...I don’t know; it worries me. I have been abandoned by my family; they want nothing to do with me. I have difficulty maintaining long-term employment. I feel like I am hanging on by a thread! It is scary! I have no support from anyone, and nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to talk to me...EVER! Like I am some weirdo psycho with a horn coming out of my head or something. Like I have said in previous posts, I have been going to this Starbucks for almost 7 to 8 years, and nobody likes to talk to me. When I go there, it's like I am invisible. Maybe this is how it feels when you are ostracized from society? Maybe this is how it feels when you are homeless? Except I have a home where you are invisible, and you suffer alone? It is painful, and it just seems like nobody cares at all? I guess as you grow up, you realize how cold and heartless the world really is. Experience shows that people are usually self-interested, and you often face battles alone. My family hates me for no reason. My mother thinks I worship the devil all because I look better than her. I mean, what do you expect, mother of mine?? Not only am I younger than you, but I keep track of my health by going to a gym, unlike you. So of course, I will look better than you! My brother blames me for his substance abuse problem, and I don't see how I am responsible for that. And my mother agrees with him! My family is so dysfunctional that I need to leave and cut ties. I cannot take all the guilt-tripping and gaslighting they do to me! Now that I'm alone, I need to make money to survive, which is exhausting as I try to pay bills on time every month. I know for a fact if I were to be delinquent with one of these bills, it could start a cascade and BOOM! Evicted and out on the street with no support, living in my car. Why must I live like this? I feel like I am a good person, but it just seems like everybody is against me, and the world doesn't want me to survive! Add the fact that I have no family support, and it can get stressful! Also, when I tell people my situation, they don't even believe me at all! I am alone in my problems, alone in my fight, alone in my battles. I can see why a lot of men, when they get older, become alcoholics. It's a good thing I never developed a taste for it when I was younger; it's a good thing I listened to the voice of God not to drink ever because as it stands now, I would be a loner wino on the streets counting the days till I am dead... Anyways...here's to another day...surviving! Mahalo! I still need to find a way to buy a new car. I don't know how I am going to do that on minimum wage!

Another week, another blog post. LOL! I am the only one that reads this, but… it is good therapy for me. It’s been like 3 weeks since I lost my job at Sevita-California Mentor. I guess I will miss the few people that did like me. There weren’t many people. I would say only 2: Ilda Prado and Latosha Dixon. Other than that, I don’t think anyone else really liked me much. It's sad what we “Chosen Ones” must go through. The hate…the jealousy…the misunderstanding…all because we want to live a godly life and nobody else does. I feel like I am going through life all by myself, and I must fight everybody I meet. It’s sad. On the plus side, I got my E.D.D. unemployment interview yesterday and was approved, and my first check was deposited into my bank account this morning. Which is a relief for me because I was stressing over my interview and, of course, bills and how I am going to pay for them. But I got my check, and I am about 80 percent sure I got approved for the next year of E.D.D., which means I can relax and play Baldur’s Gate II and III. I will apply for jobs later. I am so sick and tired of putting up with being yelled at and treated like crap all because I know how to do the job better than them and of course putting up with the stuff a “Chosen One” must put up with. I was getting worried that I might not get E.D.D., stressing that I will have to use my Roth IRA, which is something I don’t want to do because that is my retirement savings, what little I have that is. I think I will go back to medical assisting and get a job in one of these offices in town. My friend and former client Elias Bullard wants me to do a job with him that will pay $25.00 an hour. I don’t know if I want to take it because the job is all the way in Maricopa and my car is a high mileage car. I don’t know if it can take the trip. I will tell him about it sometime that way he knows. I don’t want to leave him hanging. He is a good friend, and as a “chosen one,” friends are exceedingly rare. Till next time… Mahalo!

Another week, another blog post. I hope someone out there reads this, or maybe it's just me, I don’t know! Anyway, here goes. I am now about two weeks removed from being fired from my job at Sevita-California Mentor. This was my second time working there, and honestly, I thought I would last longer this time. As a "Chosen One," I tend to intimidate people with my energy, and I think some may even be jealous of it. The way I see it, the only way to boost your energy is to get moving, right? That’s how I approached it—I fought off my laziness and sleepiness, and I kept pushing myself to overcome lethargy. I mean, if you're not going to do that, then who is to blame? I can’t help but think that maybe Kari will be the next to be fired; she has had a lot of issues with the higher-ups. She has a big ego, especially for someone who is so heavy. In my experience, egos are usually found in the thin, athletic, and often conventionally attractive. I suspect Kari used to be good-looking but has let her lifestyle—filled with excess and poor choices—deteriorate her appearance. However, her ego seems to have remained intact despite these changes. Anyway, I should probably focus less on the past and look toward the future! I have an unemployment interview on the 3rd of March, and I hope to get benefits from the E.D.D. so I can relax and play some video games. I want to play through the Baldur's Gate series; I am well into the second game. The first game took about 60 hours to complete, and it has an excellent story that leads into Baldur’s Gate III, which I will play after finishing Baldur’s Gate II. Maybe I will have the chance to beat all three before finding another job, and by then, I will be ready to dive into Elden Ring, the final game in the Dark Souls series. Surprisingly, I am beginning to enjoy my jobless life. While having a job gave me a sense of purpose, being a gamer provides me with purpose too, and it’s entertaining to boot! Until next time…Mahalo!

Another week, another blog post! I’ve been reflecting on my time at Sevita-California Mentor, and honestly, I didn’t think they would fire me. Leaving a client unattended in a shower chair is a common oversight, highlighting the challenges faced within the organization. In jobs, "The Chosen" often endure harsh treatment until they eventually quit, and nobody truly likes them. Those of us deemed “The Chosen” are viewed as competitors rather than colleagues, making us feel like the enemy. It’s unfortunate that, despite being good people, “The Chosen” seem to be disliked by many. Most of us are good-looking, and as a result, we are often stereotyped and treated poorly because of our appearance. Ironically, to look good, you can’t obsess over it; when you adopt this mindset, you often develop that elusive “It” factor that attracts attention—both positive and negative. For example, today at Starbucks, the owner glared at me because she wanted me to put my feet in my slippers, even though I was already wearing clean socks. She refused to accept that! She apparently acknowledges that I look good, attributing it to the inner work that someone like me does—work that she herself, as the owner of Starbucks, likely doesn’t engage in. Many people mistakenly believe that looking good is an innate trait, but it actually requires effort. I often experience poor treatment because of my appearance, yet it feels unfair to bear the responsibility for others’ reactions. My critics don’t put in as much effort as I do to look good, which combines both inner and outer work. I wonder what my former coworkers think now that I’ve been away for three weeks. Do they think "good riddance"? Do they not care at all? Or do they blame Kari for getting me fired, generating resentment towards her? Based on the business texts I received from work, it seems like it’s business as usual. I don’t believe they are concerned about me. All the friendships I thought I had built there were superficial. None of them genuinely cared whether I lived or died. I find this realization sad because I thought I had found a home, friends, or even a work family. I often feel this way when I secure a role that requires significant communication, yet I realize that there may be a lack of true personal connection from others. Being “Chosen” once again reveals that acceptance often hinges on aligning with the mental level of others or appearing non-threatening. Due to internal conflicts among colleagues, a Chosen person is frequently seen as a competitor. When a Chosen works with someone, that individual may feel insecure simply because they view “The Chosen” as a “better person.” It’s sad how people treat me, how they treat a Chosen one. It’s disheartening. Mahalo!

Well, I finally got fired from my job as a DSP-Caregiver at Sevita-California Mentor. It was only a matter of time as a “Chosen” everybody hates you secretly on the down-low and would love to see you fall flat on your face for no reason other than you are better than them. Maybe in the sports world competition is a welcome thing but in the real-world people don’t want to compete they want to eliminate the competition and since I am viewed as the enemy by everybody, might as well eliminate myself right? By attempting to fabricate complaints to have me dismissed from my position? My last check from Sevita-California Mentor was just a measly 479 dollars. Nobody cares about me, not my family, not anyone. It's just me, and I need to take care of myself. I blocked my family's numbers because they haven't called or visited me since last year, which was a painful experience. It wasn’t a real visit to see how I was doing but more of an examination of whether I was suffering because I didn’t have my evil mother to depend on. Mother, how do you like my apartment? Huh? How do you like it? I hate you! I won't be there when you die or when you're dying. I don’t care about inheritance or anything you have never been there for me ever, so I am about 90 percent sure you won’t ever give me inheritance either. Sadly, someone like me will die alone with no one to call a friend or family but that is the sad reality of someone who is “Chosen”. You have no support or help, and only God to turn to. I looked at my budget earlier and it looks like I won’t be able to afford my expenses for the next few months and must find a job asap. I will maybe take a break for a month or so and then find a job. It has become clear that my presence is not valued. In future employment, I will maintain a professional distance from colleagues. I know they all hate me. When you are one with God then the world hates you and your family turns its back on you. Until we meet again, farewell. Mahalo!

Well, I knew this would happen. LOL! I am finally fired from my Job at Sevita-California Mentor. I know I wasn't liked by anyone there. When you are Chosen nobody likes you anywhere. Some individuals may pretend to have positive feelings towards you, while their true intentions are harmful. LITERALLY or better yet they’d love to see you die slowly on drugs. I know all my co-workers would ENJOY seeing me homeless after I get fired at Sevita-California Mentor...on the street doing drugs and being a Gay Prostitute (On the Down-Low, of course, they will never admit this, but I know they do you cannot hide from a “Chosen One” we see all the Devil's Tricks). They would LOVE to go to Walmart and see Leo their Co-worker that “Made them all look bad” sleeping in a dumpster and eating his shit to survive like I don't know! Don't let this innocent face fool you! It is believed that 144,000 people or souls will be saved on this earth, and I am making efforts to be among them. I need to try to go to heaven. I am not sure about my co-workers. I don't think they think about these things that a “Chosen One” thinks about, they all think I take life too seriously especially the Gay ones who would all love to see me get fired getting butt-fucked in the corner as a Sadomasochistic sex slave to a rich gay man, I know! The disrespect I get for growing up at 8 years old! I have not received respectful treatment and have yet to understand my full potential. EVER! A Chosen One often does not receive recognition for their actions and frequently struggles with suicidal thoughts. That is why it behooves a Chosen one to be sober otherwise doing drugs will just exacerbate these suicidal feelings and boom you commit suicide and in hell with the rest of the sinners. If I get fired, I'll have time to complete the Baldur's Gate series. It's sad the reaction that Bakersfield people have of me. They just cannot accept my decision to REMAIN CELEBATE after my one relationship with my girlfriend who I treated like my wife whom I never cheated on. These people in this town cannot accept the choice I made because NONE of these Bakersfield people EVER made the same choice. But I am not special, I just choose God, and they don't People are slime I swear! I hate people Till Next time! Mahalo!

Another week, another blog post so it goes for a weirdo like me a Chosen one! A lot has happened to me this week. I got into it with yet another co-worker this week Kari. The same co-worker I argued with long ago. She keeps starting drama with me! This is the type of thing that we “Chosen Ones” get! People who just want to start drama with me. It got to the point that I started yelling at her and she started yelling at me! The supervisor was notified, and Marcus oversaw the remainder of the shift. A little later in the week, I was called into a meeting with Gloria the head boss and Marcus also attended. I had to explain what happened between me and Kari in simple terms that were easy for them to understand since they are not “Chosen Ones” like me. After explaining myself to them I left and Marcus Epps later that day while I was playing games said that I was suspended while they investigated the incident. One of the main challenges between Kari, my colleague, and myself is that, as an individual who embraces change, I readily adapt to evolving circumstances. Kari seems like she is a hardcore Bakersfield type and if you know anything about hardcore country types they resist change. This concludes our discussion. My boss Marcus Epps said they would investigate the incident because I left a client unattended. I informed him that clients are often left unattended, particularly because there is typically only one DSP caregiver and one person responsible for medication. The Caregiver can’t be with all clients at once so clients are always left unattended. But no matter they will investigate the incident with Kari. I'm almost sure I'm fired. It is a good thing that I never ended unemployment because I will need it now. Also, I have a phone interview with CalFresh Food stamps. Perfect timing right when I need them most. I guess this is the perk of being a “Chosen One”. Everything happens for a reason, which is why I face hate, jealousy, and drama. If I get fired it will give me a chance to play Baldur’s gate 1 2 and 3. As well as Icewind Dale and the rest of BG’s expansions. Sadly, 99 percent of people do not embrace change like a chosen one. I guess they fear the unknown or are too arrogant to venture into unknown territory. Which I think is the issue with Kari. She strikes me as a very arrogant person and arrogant people Never like change. Till next time! MAHALLO!!!

Hi all!!! A lot has happened this week. Well here goes nothing!!! I have been getting a lot of hours at my job lately. I think it’s because I am willing to do any shift except NOC and eager to go to any house which is not common amongst the other workers of California Mentor. Most workers only want to go to one house as it is tough to keep track of what needs to be done if you have a lot of houses that you go to. I am also getting a lot of jealousy from some co-workers who either wish they had the intelligence to go to a lot of houses and know what to do or at least have the guts to go to many group homes and just “Wing It” as I do. I have this one co-worker at Columbia Kari who I think is so used to being the smartest one in the room except when I am in the room, she has to take 2nd place when it comes to smart so she hates it and gives me a hard time when we work together. That is the thing about some people. They develop a little intelligence and then their ego gets big and when your ego gets big you usually stagnate intelligence-wise. Kari and I argued the last time I worked with her, to the point of a shouting match. A lot of the issue is that she is a woman, and most women nowadays can never be 2nd fiddle to a man but unfortunately when they meet a strong man they must, and Kari cannot handle it. I had another confrontation with another co-worker at Kroll house. She was also a woman. She has kids and if you know anybody that has kids, they think they are immediately the best person in the room, but like I said, this is the case with Kari, not when I am in the room. So, my co-worker at Kroll and I had a little argument about who has it hard. She thinks that just because she has kids, she has it harder than me because I am single. That would be true if I were in my teen years or 20-something years, but this is adulthood, and being single in adulthood is different than being single in your younger years, which is what I explained to her. Because since I have no wife, I must do everything without help. I also have no kids to greet me when I get home; there are just a wall and roaches roaming my apartment. My co-worker at Kroll took offense to this statement because she knew it was the truth and started becoming hostile towards me. I am not going to take crap from people just because they popped out kids and this is not the “Suffer Olympics” We are not competing as to which person ash it harder. We are here for the clients, not some hidden competition. Word got out to my boss Marcus Epps, and he took a client to a medical appointment and wanted me to come. He didn’t reprimand me for my issues with Kari or my Co-worker at Kroll, but his comments made me feel like I should just let these women win. I just nodded yes but I will still defend myself against these misogynistic women. I do not care. Marital Status discrimination in the workplace is real and this perception that single men are just celebrating needs to stop! Nobody with any sense in his or her head will “Live it Up” in the strip club in adulthood, especially someone like me who is completely alone! I mean who is going to take care of me when I am old? The strippers at the club? No, I got to work like every other adult! Also, since I am alone, I must build a nest egg for when I can no longer work. There is going to be a time when I cannot work and if I were to celebrate now since I am a single man that will lead to me being a homeless wino when I am old! People are so stupid I swear! Anyway, till next time… MAHALLO!

Hi all! Fellow Nerds! LOL! Like anybody reads my thoughts on here. I don’t know, well here goes. I had a fun week this week! There was NO drama from my co-workers this week. All the negative drama at the beginning of my tenure was just hazing. They also know that I bust my ass at work and do about any shift other than NOC shift so maybe they have some respect for me now. I still get ignored at work and stared at, but when I look at them, they quickly act like they aren’t staring. I know it’s more than just me looking good. I am quite sure it’s because I stand out from everybody else. I am guessing that is the reason they had all this drama with me, to begin with. As a “Chosen One” I am too good to be true, so they said, “Let’s test him to see how good he is with a little drama....” I am not relaxing as they might start drama next week who knows?? As a Chosen One, I must be ready when someone wants to attack. With the way people are nowadays, a verbal attack can come at any time, even over the phone! A Chosen one can be spotted on the phone and BOOM! Phone drama on a scale from 0 to 10 in 3 seconds! LOL! With all the lifting at my job, I may have hurt my left bicep. I don’t know if I will still workout after work so maybe I should lay off a bit. Speaking of layoffs, my car broke down yet again on the 25th of December. I had it towed and the towman said it could be the alternator. I had it towed on the 25th to my house and even after getting my car disabled my job still wanted me to work SHEESH! People take for granted a good man! I am so glad I am not in a relationship. Because not only will my job take me for granted, but I will also be at home taken for granted by my girl. Good men are better off alone nowadays. I learned that from Springer back in the day. “If you are sheep, you are better off out of the game.” And I am a sheep. When I had my car towed from my house to the repair guy the next towman said it could be a transmission problem. I got the sense from him that he knew my brother Paul because he asked me “Do you ever hang out with your brother?” I told him I hated my brother and that was his response. I don’t know, Maybe I am just paranoid. When I sent my car to the repair shop the main repair guy was vacationing in Mexico and won’t be back till the 2nd of January 2025. I said that is ok I will use Lyft to go to work. I was so happy when I got the phone call yesterday, the 2nd that my car was done! And I didn’t even skip a beat! I am so proud of myself. I used Lyft one last day yesterday and this morning the 3rd of January and picked up my car. He said it was just the Alternator, not the Transmission, and I was relieved. I think the 2nd Towman from the 25 of December was Paul’s friend and as I have written on the Blog Paul is my Enemy. Well, here’s to getting my Car back and playing Baldur’s Gate till 6:30 pm!!! Till Next Time… MAHALLO!