Well, here I am again, another post from the biggest nerd in Bakersfield! Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how difficult my life has been because I chose God over substances. My family has turned against me, and I even had a near miss with a BMW. Yet, I remain sober simply because I’m stubborn. I often wish I could fit in, but deep down, I know that I never will; I’ll have to go through life on my own. Wherever I go, it feels like nobody wants to talk to me or even get near me—the lifelong sober man of the town. I try to smile as best as I can, but sometimes the isolation really gets to me, and I feel low. It’s like society is against me for being a lifelong sobriety advocate. That’s the reality when you choose God over alcohol, weed, or any drugs; you don’t quite fit into society, and you become part of the “Chosen One.” I can’t help but think about all the hurtful things my dad has done, along with the painful experiences with my family. None of them ever apologizes or acknowledges my feelings; they just seem to want to compete with me in everything. My mother, a wealthy and powerful woman, feels the need to vie with her own son, who’s just trying to make a living at a minimum-wage job. I originally wanted to be athletic to make my parents proud, but instead, it just seems to fuel their resentment toward me. I often wonder why I continue to work out, especially when nobody acknowledges my hard work. It feels like I’m fighting against an entire town that has all the support and advice available, while I have none. Each day, I hope for more acceptance in today’s society for lifelong sober individuals, but it’s simply not there. I glance at my right wrist and am reminded that I will never truly fit in. I know that no one will ever say, "Good job, Leo! Good job for staying sober for 51 years! You look great for doing it too!" Instead, I fear that I’ll eventually be fired from a job or kicked out of the gym just for being sober. It’s a harsh reality, but in my mind, that's the price you pay for following God. You either fit into society and abandon your faith, or you stick with God and find yourself ostracized by society. If that’s what it takes to get to heaven, then so be it; I'll endure it. Honestly, no one cares about me. Not my family, not even my ex-girlfriend, who couldn’t stand having a sober boyfriend. When you’re a lifelong sober person, it often feels like it’s just you and God—nothing more. I hate my life sometimes! I’m considering looking for a job later, but I’m not too enthusiastic about it because I know that once they learn about my choices, they’ll start to judge me, leading to verbal abuse and ultimately being fired. I might look for a job on Wednesday; for now, at least I have food stamps and unemployment benefits. Anyways… MAHALLO!