Another week, another blog post. During my time off, I have reflected a lot. I keep wondering if I will be homeless in my old age...I don’t know; it worries me. I have been abandoned by my family; they want nothing to do with me. I have difficulty maintaining long-term employment. I feel like I am hanging on by a thread! It is scary! I have no support from anyone, and nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to talk to me...EVER! Like I am some weirdo psycho with a horn coming out of my head or something. Like I have said in previous posts, I have been going to this Starbucks for almost 7 to 8 years, and nobody likes to talk to me. When I go there, it's like I am invisible. Maybe this is how it feels when you are ostracized from society? Maybe this is how it feels when you are homeless? Except I have a home where you are invisible, and you suffer alone? It is painful, and it just seems like nobody cares at all? I guess as you grow up, you realize how cold and heartless the world really is. Experience shows that people are usually self-interested, and you often face battles alone. My family hates me for no reason. My mother thinks I worship the devil all because I look better than her. I mean, what do you expect, mother of mine?? Not only am I younger than you, but I keep track of my health by going to a gym, unlike you. So of course, I will look better than you! My brother blames me for his substance abuse problem, and I don't see how I am responsible for that. And my mother agrees with him! My family is so dysfunctional that I need to leave and cut ties. I cannot take all the guilt-tripping and gaslighting they do to me! Now that I'm alone, I need to make money to survive, which is exhausting as I try to pay bills on time every month. I know for a fact if I were to be delinquent with one of these bills, it could start a cascade and BOOM! Evicted and out on the street with no support, living in my car. Why must I live like this? I feel like I am a good person, but it just seems like everybody is against me, and the world doesn't want me to survive! Add the fact that I have no family support, and it can get stressful! Also, when I tell people my situation, they don't even believe me at all! I am alone in my problems, alone in my fight, alone in my battles. I can see why a lot of men, when they get older, become alcoholics. It's a good thing I never developed a taste for it when I was younger; it's a good thing I listened to the voice of God not to drink ever because as it stands now, I would be a loner wino on the streets counting the days till I am dead... Anyways...here's to another day...surviving! Mahalo! I still need to find a way to buy a new car. I don't know how I am going to do that on minimum wage!