Personal Update and Home Project Log

Hello, fellow nerds of Bako! I haven’t posted here since last week because I’ve been on vacation, and it’s been great! I’ve also been tackling some tasks around the house that have been nagging me for a while. The main project was moving my over-the-air antenna to the outside window for better reception so I can watch football games when the season starts. I enjoy watching my Baltimore Ravens play, but it’s frustrating when the reception is poor or cuts out in my bedroom, where I like to lounge in bed and watch football. It took quite a bit of effort to thread the cable out to the living room window—an all-day affair—but I finally got it done. On top of that, I got paid during my vacation week, which is a bonus. I’m tempted to shop on Amazon, but I need to save that money to pay off my car. I keep thinking about my one and only girlfriend, who taught me about credit. None of my family wanted to teach me, and I’ve often felt judged for being good-looking. It’s strange how society tends to vilify those who fit that mold. If you grow up hearing that you’re ugly from your family, it really affects your self-image. When you look in the mirror, it can be hard to see anything but what they say, leading you to feel like an ugly person. I grew up in a narcissistic family that chose me as the scapegoat. Nowadays, it seems that the 90-pound weakling is celebrated while the athletic, strong man is demonized. People judge character based on looks, which is frustrating. If you happen to be good-looking, especially as portrayed in movies and TV shows, you’re often cast as the villain. My mother has a brain tumor now, and with all the traumatic memories involved, I find it hard not to harbor negative feelings toward her. I’ve also struggled with my feelings toward my dad and my brother, as well as the rest of the Fuentes family. I’ve realized I never needed them to grow up; God has always been my source of guidance. My niece once emailed me about my mother's situation, and I reacted harshly, telling her to leave me out of it, FUCK YOU! Living life with this “pretty face” feels more like a curse than a blessing. I worry about dying alone and try not to think about my future when I can no longer work. I imagine I might live in a senior apartment complex one day, but I’m unsure. The envy and jealousy from my immediate family only add to my worries, especially since they seem to live better lives than I do. Society often assumes that good-looking people have it easy, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. These "nerds" of society, in my view, are often those who don’t contribute positively or take care of their health. I believe that the more overweight you are, the more evil you are, and paradoxically, in today’s world, that often gains you favor in jobs and relationships with the opposite sex. This leads to a lot of strange occurrences, which I perceive as manifestations of negativity. Clown world! I struggle with my feelings toward people. Anyways… MAHALO!