Workplace Isolation Experiences

Hello everyone! Here’s another nerdy post from the self-proclaimed “Uber Nerd of Bakersfield.” As usual, it feels like most of my coworkers want to isolate me, as if they don’t want to be around me. At my job at Kern Valley State Prison, I sit alone in a room with no one to talk to. I have a feeling this is on purpose, since my coworkers appear to either not trust me or just don't like me—some of their comments hint at that. At my other job at the group home, my coworkers also ignore me or act as if I don’t exist, likely for the same reasons. I sometimes feel that I’m perceived as “too good to be true.” As someone who is a “chosen one,” people might assume I’m just putting on a front of being virtuous because everyone they know is pretending to be something they aren’t. Since my demeanor comes off as more genuine, it seems to lead them to believe that I might be hiding something sinister—like being a serial killer. This is disheartening because I truly am a good person. I’m not trying to put on an act by being overly virtuous. Growing up, we were taught that being good would bring its own rewards, but I’ve found that that isn’t the case. It appears that being evil leads to greater popularity. Throughout my work experience, I project a heterosexual saintlike vibe, yet no women ever seem to engage with me. When a woman does talk to me, it often feels like she views me as an enemy and then never speaks to me again. In contrast, a gay man is easily befriended and welcomed at work, which makes me question their true nature. I believe that engaging in gay relationships leads one down the wrong path, yet men who are devoutly religious are often dismissed or ignored by women. It’s as if society favors those who indulge in wrongdoings over those who strive to do right. My experience as a muscular straight man is filled with intense isolation at my jobs; it feels like everyone resents my strong faith. It becomes increasingly difficult to navigate through the day, as we are inherently social creatures. When the only interaction I receive at work is “GET BACK TO WORK, LEO, OK!!?”, it makes the day feel long and arduous. I find myself talking to myself sometimes, even at the gym, only to be met with stares that label me as a psycho. It’s frustrating to think that after years of isolation, I can’t even vocalize my thoughts without being deemed crazy. Every time I speak to myself at the gym, everyone seems to watch me like I’m some kind of villain. It feels as if I’m forced to remain quiet all day and night, year after year… and I can’t help but feel an overwhelming dislike for people. I hate them so much! Path of the Chosen Until next time… MAHALO!