Another week, another blog post from the biggest nerd in town. I often feel this way because it seems that people never engage me in conversation. I haven't found a clear answer, but many individuals, especially men, appear to engage in silent competitions with me. Today at Starbucks, a young guy kept giving me strange looks. Every time he went to the bathroom, he seemed to glare at me as if I were his enemy, even though I hadn’t done anything to him. I was simply sitting there playing video games on my laptop. I noticed him talking to a girl, and I felt that she might be interested in talking to me but was using him as a way to reach out. I could be mistaken, of course; maybe I’m just imagining things. It’s also possible that the young guy saw me as competition for girls at Starbucks. Honestly, I'm not in competition with anyone at Starbucks. I prefer the atmosphere there because it helps me play video games better. When I'm outside, it feels like I'm in a silent competition with everyone—who's the better person, who's the most energetic, or who uses their computer the best. It seems that people feel insecure around me and feel the need to compete. I think this is part of being a "Chosen One." As Tren Genius says in his YouTube videos, being a "Chosen One" brings out everyone's demons, leading to extreme reactions towards you. People tend to either have very positive or very negative feelings about you, with little in between. I kept thinking about that young guy, and I realized that if he is secretly competing with me, he must know that I am 51 years old. Competing wiht someone my age must be the most pathetic thing for a young person, and it only boosts my ego. To all those younger guys trying to compete with me, they need to understand that I am in a different stage of life. Their jealousy just elevates my self-esteem. Competing with younger people at 51 makes me feel great, whether I win or lose. I hope they realize that, but I doubt they do. If they don’t, I won’t be the one to inform them. Anyway, I am now actively looking for a job. On Wednesday, I applied to all available jobs online and on job boards, and I plan to continue this every Wednesday. I wonder if I will see more boys or men, 10 to 20 years younger than me, competing with me at Starbucks as I apply for jobs. How flattering! LOL!

Well, here I am again, another post from the biggest nerd in Bakersfield! Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how difficult my life has been because I chose God over substances. My family has turned against me, and I even had a near miss with a BMW. Yet, I remain sober simply because I’m stubborn. I often wish I could fit in, but deep down, I know that I never will; I’ll have to go through life on my own. Wherever I go, it feels like nobody wants to talk to me or even get near me—the lifelong sober man of the town. I try to smile as best as I can, but sometimes the isolation really gets to me, and I feel low. It’s like society is against me for being a lifelong sobriety advocate. That’s the reality when you choose God over alcohol, weed, or any drugs; you don’t quite fit into society, and you become part of the “Chosen One.” I can’t help but think about all the hurtful things my dad has done, along with the painful experiences with my family. None of them ever apologizes or acknowledges my feelings; they just seem to want to compete with me in everything. My mother, a wealthy and powerful woman, feels the need to vie with her own son, who’s just trying to make a living at a minimum-wage job. I originally wanted to be athletic to make my parents proud, but instead, it just seems to fuel their resentment toward me. I often wonder why I continue to work out, especially when nobody acknowledges my hard work. It feels like I’m fighting against an entire town that has all the support and advice available, while I have none. Each day, I hope for more acceptance in today’s society for lifelong sober individuals, but it’s simply not there. I glance at my right wrist and am reminded that I will never truly fit in. I know that no one will ever say, "Good job, Leo! Good job for staying sober for 51 years! You look great for doing it too!" Instead, I fear that I’ll eventually be fired from a job or kicked out of the gym just for being sober. It’s a harsh reality, but in my mind, that's the price you pay for following God. You either fit into society and abandon your faith, or you stick with God and find yourself ostracized by society. If that’s what it takes to get to heaven, then so be it; I'll endure it. Honestly, no one cares about me. Not my family, not even my ex-girlfriend, who couldn’t stand having a sober boyfriend. When you’re a lifelong sober person, it often feels like it’s just you and God—nothing more. I hate my life sometimes! I’m considering looking for a job later, but I’m not too enthusiastic about it because I know that once they learn about my choices, they’ll start to judge me, leading to verbal abuse and ultimately being fired. I might look for a job on Wednesday; for now, at least I have food stamps and unemployment benefits. Anyways… MAHALLO!

Here we go again—yet another post from the Uber nerd of Bakersfield, LOL! I had a good week this time. I've been gaming a lot at Starbucks, playing Warhammer III and Baldur's Gate II. Good times! I’m trying to forget my experience at Sevita-California Mentor and avoid socializing with people for now. I've come to realize that most people don’t see the world as I do. It’s not that I’m autistic, but I actively do many things to keep myself happy, which gives me a positive outlook on life. Because of this, many people think I’m weird and tend to stay away from me at Starbucks without talking to me. As a "Chosen One," I’ve learned to accept being isolated and not acknowledged by others. This is something many YouTubers who refer to themselves as the Chosen Ones mention. I’m hesitant to apply for another job because I know that once people get to know me, the drama will start. They’ll isolate me and treat me poorly until they eventually fire me after six or eight months. I often experience verbal assaults at work for no reason, which reflects the state of our times. It’s sad that even in the health field, people are burdened by their own issues and take it out on someone like me, just trying to earn a living. It feels like I’m a magnet for drama, even when I’m not causing any. I still plan to look for a job in April, and in the meantime, I’ll continue playing video games at Starbucks. I often get stares from people there as well, but that happens wherever I go. It’s like I’m some movie star sometimes. It can be flattering, but some of the stares I receive from men make me uncomfortable, as if they’re sizing me up to backstab me, which can be scary. Even at Starbucks, I get some unsettling looks from men. I usually respond by looking back at them, wondering why they’re staring at me that way. This all ties back to my experiences at work. People today seem to have their inner demons, and someone like me doesn't, stands out in public or at work. A person without inner demons tends to attract either extreme positivity or extreme negativity—there’s no neutral ground. They either draw in good people or really troubling ones. Anyways... MAHALLO!