Catalyst4518's Blog
My blog about what I do......
Saturday, July 12, 2025
Hi everyone,
Another week, another nerdy post! I had a pretty good week, but I’m hesitant to call my current job a permanent position. I still find myself in competition with my co-worker, Gustavo, who seems to view me as a rival rather than someone to work collaboratively with. I get the same feeling from the rest of my colleagues; it’s as if they want to outdo me in some game I’m not even aware of. This has been a recurring theme throughout my life, so I’ve grown accustomed to it.
It’s sad because I genuinely want to get along with people, and I’m not competing with them. Yet, whenever I clock in, it feels like the rest of the staff congregates together while I end up alone in another area. It's as if they don't like me but keep it under wraps. I’m rarely included in casual conversations, and I’m left out of their personal lives, which they openly share with everyone else. I feel like I’m just there to work, and nobody wants to connect with me.
It’s disheartening that my life has become this way. As kids, we grow up envisioning getting married, raising a family, and being able to care for our parents as they age. However, the older I get, the more isolated I feel. People seem to ignore me or keep their distance. Just the other day, a worker at Starbucks sat next to a customer and struck up a conversation, and I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why don’t they do that with me?”
I sense a lingering hostility toward me wherever I go. While they may not openly express their dislike, it’s palpable, and it’s lonely being the target of this negativity. Thankfully, I haven’t developed any substance abuse habits. I know that those who direct this hatred at me, who isolate me, would likely struggle with such loneliness, but I’ve managed to maintain my resilience. Still, it’s tough to face each day knowing I’m on my own.
No immediate family or friends are there to support me; I have to navigate this life alone. It’s daunting and sad, especially because if the hostility at work intensifies, I risk losing my job. Then what? It’s challenging being a “Chosen One.” I know that some people look at me and wish they were in my shoes, which leads them to treat me the way they do. But believe me when I say I wouldn’t wish this kind of intentional, lifelong isolation on anyone.
Anyways!
Till Next time!
MAHALO!
Saturday, July 5, 2025
Hi everyone! I’m the nerdiest guy in Bakersfield, and so far, it’s been a good week. I had a conversation with my co-worker Michael about his experience as a college basketball prospect, and I told him, “Not bad!” I shared that I wasn't very good at basketball in high school and that one reason I didn’t go far in the sport was that I worked out too hard, which stunted my growth. I reached 5’8” by 6th grade and never grew taller.
Michael mentioned that when he dunks, he lands awkwardly on his hip, which hurts, and he has no health insurance. He wanted to know how I have it, which made me realize that he wasn’t trying to befriend me but was really just curious about how I got Medi-Cal. I suspected that he might think I was doing something illegal to obtain it. I told him that I simply applied via the website—there's no real secret.
I also shared that I had a tough childhood and go to therapy every month. Now I understand that he wasn’t interested in getting to know me; he just wanted information about my health coverage. At work, I often feel like the enemy, with everyone competing against me. It’s sad because, as someone who is a "Chosen One," I just want to have good relationships and friendships. Unfortunately, people tend to view me as a threat, especially the younger guys, who seem intent on one-upping me. Honestly, I just want to go to work and play video games.
I keep wondering if my introverted nature and my lack of engagement with my surroundings contribute to how I feel. On another note, I recently had to pay $3,700 for what I owed to E.D.D. While that may not seem like a lot to some, for someone earning minimum wage, it feels like a fortune. I managed to pay it, though, and I still have some savings, so maybe I should count my blessings!
I still remember when I had $20,000 in a Roth IRA and $7,000 in savings—I was doing great! Unfortunately, the tariffs enacted by Trump affected my Roth IRA and contributed to my financial struggles. I still believe in Trump, and I feel that once his tariffs fully take effect, we’ll see an economic boom. I’m already preparing for that with a $1,000 investment in Uber and Netflix. I read online that these two stocks are recession-proof, and so far, they’ve gained $200 in just five days, which is promising.
I work today at 4 PM, and I’ll check my investments then to see if they’ve increased. I know that when I clock in, I’m viewed as the enemy.
Sucks being a Chosen One!
MAHALO!
Saturday, June 28, 2025
Hi everyone! Here’s another post from your favorite nerd! I wanted to share some thoughts from my diary. So far, I’ve been doing well at my job, but I can’t shake the feeling that people are low-key watching me when I'm not looking. It seems like they see me as a threat to something. I’m genuinely concerned because some of the supervisors tend to stare at me when I’m not aware. I hope they understand that I’m not trying to take their jobs; I don’t want that responsibility! I’d much rather work two jobs than be promoted and face more stress and responsibility.
It worries me that the higher-ups might perceive me as a threat, which is definitely not a good situation to be in since it could lead to getting fired. I need this job to pay off my E.D.D. overpayment. Even my co-workers, who are at the same rank as me, seem to glance at me when I’m not paying attention. The looks almost seem like awe, as if they’re seeing someone otherworldly. I can’t help but think they might see me as weird, especially because they tend to exclude me from socializing. Maybe they have something to hide—I’m not sure.
Additionally, I can’t shake the feeling that there's some hostility towards me from my co-workers. Every time I clock in, I sense it. It’s clear when someone views you as an enemy; they just clock in, sit down, and don’t say a word, as if they’re preparing for a competition, and I’m the opposing team. It’s frustrating because I’m just trying to work and earn money to play video games, yet it feels like a contest between us.
On a brighter note, I seem to get along really well with clients. They’re usually not caught up in societal games and are easy to talk to. However, when I engage with my co-workers, there’s this underlying sense that “I’m competing with you, Leo,” and it bothers me! Why can’t we work together and tackle problems as a team so we can all succeed? Instead, it feels like everyone wants to be number one and push others aside.
Just recently, I noticed Angel and Emily keeping their distance while passing out meds, as if they were trying to stay at least 10 feet away from me, almost like I had a disease. I sensed they were watching me and made some comments implying that I have a lot of energy. I’ve watched many "Chosen One" videos, and one theory states that people with a high energy field, who are close to God, can repel those with a lower energy field. The issue is that those with authority at my job are not the ones feeling this energy, so if they wish to exclude me from conversations, I guess I have to just accept it.
Although I have co-workers, I feel like I work alone. I hope this isn’t a sign that they want to get rid of me, like what has happened in many of my previous jobs. If I do get let go, I’ll have to rely on E.D.D. unemployment and food stamps, which I can manage because I’m efficient with my bills. However, I might have to pay off my E.D.D. overpayment in one go, which would significantly impact my savings. Being alone without savings can be quite challenging, and I just really hope I don’t get fired.
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